This is the last time I will sit at this computer. It's Wednesday and I am burning the files of my harddrive to cdrom. Well, actually, I am buring Guy's files to cdrom cos he's gone to the bank and then he is catching a plane at 2pm so he's running around a little bit stressy, so I will burn my cd's after his are finished. I am ready to leave this place, but not the People. It seems strange to be here. Guy will be back soon. So will Rachelle. Ken is here now. I can hear Sonia laughing in the foyer. I saw Nick. I didn't see Andre. I will miss the people. Justin Reid (longhair) isnt sitting next to me. Justin Kennedy isn't sitting behind me muttering at Bradden. Adrian's Grace Jones music isnt on a loop somewhere down the back of the class, and Sean talking to PC's ("you fucking cunt") is but a fading memory. I am ready to leave this place. But not the People. I have one small window. To return to submit my final project before January 18th. I will take that window for one last look at familiar faces of those who work here. I just like being part of something. Working within a group. Knowing people within a company or in this case, college. It feels like.. I was going to say family but thats just corny and it doesn't feel like my family. It's that 'team' feeling.. and .. I know. When I first came here, I came from being alone. I had been using the Web for several years and I was still the only person (besides Alan) who did. My friends weren't subtle in their comments regarding the Internet and my life in it and my life with it. It was rarely positive. Then I came here and the first big impression was, everyone was like me. The Web was integrated into their lives and fast becoming their careers and sending email wasn't a "phase" to grow out of. If nothing else it confirmed my thoughts and enhanced, no, GAVE me confidence. I have become more me in the past 9 months than i have been since I was.. ever. So, now what? New Zealand shuts down over Christmas. It's our summer and everyone goes on holiday. You cannot get anything done in this country before (optimistic) mid-January (realistic) February. Still not knowing what I want to do regarding actually working, I have enough to keep me occupied over the Christmas break. three websites, a nice cross section of work to show potential employers. A brochure for Mags which I promised ages ago. Learning HTML properly and XML too. And have a really good think about what I want/can do. The plan being to actively seek employment feet-on-pavement-cv-in-hand in the second week of January. And thankgoodness Quentin doesn't read this cos he told me to be on five recruitment agencies lists 4 months ago (he was right but this is me so i am not) so now i go to watch the blue bar creep across the info box of the mac while my files burn themselves onto the cdrom. --------

I graduated on Friday. Hard to believe after 36 weeks I have finished my Electronic Multimedia Advanced Certificate. (I don't feel like i have learnt anything.. but of course I have) Brains are funny like that, you never can feel the knowledge as a thing or a depth or an amount. It can be a bit disturbing. Desire is another funny thing. You either feel it or you don't. It either works both ways or its not working. I personally haven't felt desire for a person 'in the flesh' so to speak, in many many years. Til now. Til then. But then, its on a fast track to no where.. which is about mishtypical i would suggest. Find the guy you find most desirable.. find out its reciprocated.. and also that he's unobtainable if you want to keep your ethical moral standards in tact. grrrr. Anyways, enough of that. I looked stunning on Friday. Simple navy shirt with soft gold chinese characters stitched into the back panel. It was all a bit strange to start with, like a school dance. People standing around not really knowing who to talk to or what to do. But we went upstairs and had a glass of wine (far to medium for this girl) and we sat in the stifling heat of nonairconditioned upper floors and received our certificates and our prizes. Then back to more wine and talking and more wine. I had moved onto the red by now, it was more to my taste. Then off to downstairs to the Multimedia Lab because there were Multimedians still putting final touchings to their work plus i wanted to check on The Articulate (only to find Andre and the boys'd blocked that address so I couldn't) But Justin Shorthair looked at some ugly girl porn pics at allblack.com and he was happy for a bit longer. Andre and Sonia came down then too. He is the Networking/Networks (something) tutor, she is the Enrolment/holdeverythingtogether person. He sat on the desk and she sat on another and we banter/talked for a while before deciding to wander over to The Sheraton for more drinks. And we did. And things became clear. And we moved on. To Jones Bar. And things became quite a lot clearer. Then I phoned for my pre-arranged lift home, and then i did.. go home.. around 4am. I had a good night. Now what am I going to do? Well I have loads to keep me busy over the holiday break, not the least of which is getting three websites up so i have something to show when i start applying for jobs again in the New Year. And now I have time, I can feel how exhausted my bones are. And how much I want what I can't have. And how much I have to get over myself. --------

*waves from school* I still have my headache.. that's five days now. I am beginning to think "If pain persists, see your doctor" might be in order. going to that 'next level' you know. TK thought that might be a good idea, and seeing as he isn't even PreMed, I think I might follow his advice.. actually.. I might even pop into A&E on the way home, what do you think? At least they will give me strong enough drugs I spose. Today was quite a productive day I suppose. I was at school bright and early, but found myself mucking around.. checking mail and fart arsing about. I could feel the day slipping from my fingertips. So I went home. Sat and scanned all the objects for my cd rom and then came back to school to clean them up and import them into Photoshop. Which I did. And they look like I wanted them to look AND they way they look in the StoryBoard. I am pretty pleased about that. I do, however, need to look at the 'notebook' because I don't like the way it's tabs are settling. Freya has booked her tickets and is coming to spend New Years here in New Zealand. It's gonna be nice to see her again and lovely to have her company over the break. Thank good ness she's too polite to complain of boredom. Okay.. I am gonna go home. Got some things to put into Aftershock and an interface to slice up in Firework2. Then I need to make sure my .. oh you don't wanna hear all this. --------