I got home today -

I got home today - tired - dog bone dead tired. Frustrations at work coupled with lack of sleep just wore me out. I lay on the couch and inhaled dinner, feet up, Shortland Street on, just _knackered_. The phone rang - Sonia - wants to go bowling. How perfect. We bowled at 8pm.. two frames.. I won [victory dance] and I hardly fell over at all. Then off to the Air Hockey table..then to the shot-em-out games.. then to pool.. then home for a natter. What a perfect end to a frustrating day/lastweek. I feel _so_ much better now.

Cornflakes are best when soggy.

...later...'bout lunchtime...

It's my mother's birthday on Saturday and I don't know what to get her. She seems to have everything. I will end up sending her flowers, I suppose, but then I always send her flowers and I'm not sure if she really thinks flowers are a very good idea. I mean, sure, if a guy you like sends you flowers at work you just can NOT get better than that, but your daughter? to your home? without an audience. Hmm. I need to think about this.

I managed to lose a contact lens up under my eyelid last night. I don't mind sharing the discomfort with you incase you ever think that's a good place to store your lenses. I am using disposable lenses for a change. They work out about the same as permanent lenses price wise.

On a scale of one to ten of the 'wanting to work' scale, with 1 being "not really" and 10 being "yes please", I am somewhere in the region of Alaska.

...much later...'bout bedtime...

I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I wonder if this is 'lonely' but then, I don't get lonely. I think it's more like 'missing you' than lonely. I wish I was smaller so I could curl up and become unnoticable when I feel like this. I sit in the middle though, always in the middle to see and be seen. I'm listening to The Bends, still, I think, my favourite Radiohead CD. Do you remember the video that accompanied Street Spirit? Was that the most amazingly moving surreal video ever made? I was fascinated by it. In fact, in my not-so-humble opinion, the videos that played to that CD were all stunningly good. OKomputer was good too but The Bends just.. had the perzact right ingredients.

I don't talk about music much. Mostly because I just come off sounding like a dumbarse cos I just plain don't know much about music [i dont know much about Art, but i do like a gilt frame that doesn't gather much dust] and also because, with age, music loses that intense importance it has when you are younger.

Today, Doctor John sent me a gel image. I'd never seen one before. Apparently, the white dashes show where and how intense the virus is.. or.. the virus shows up as white dashes.. like we see on TV when police/forensictypes are testing DNA. I printed it out and bluetacked it to my wall. I don't know why I wanted it, but I did and I'm glad I have it and I like the look of it. It was nice to be able to ask for the image and John just said 'yes' no.. strings no.. complications.. no.. just.. "yes, here we are michelle".

From Canada to New Zealand, images of a virus.

limb by limb and
tooth by tooth
tearing up inside of me
wish that I
was bulletproof

wax me
mould me
heat the pins
and stab them in
you have turned me into this
just wish that I
was bulletproof

so pay me money
take a shot
the hole in me
i could burst a million bubbles
all surrogate
and bulletproof

bulletproof by radiohead