Did I mention I got

Did I mention I got my scanner working on my new computer? well, I got my scanner working on my new computer. I bought something else for my computer too but shhhhhh - I can't tell you yet. Ask me at the end of the week.

Tonight I am skipping Life Drawing Class for the AUT Multimedia Expo in town. Students are displaying their wares so it should be good to see. I am guessing Rachelle and I were invited because one of AUT's newest tutors was our NCMT tutor, Ross Brannigan. It's nice to know he didn't run screaming from NCMT after we left blanking everything and everyone from his memory banks, because I liked him. So yah, going to see some interesting, stimulating, new work - for a change - at last - I miss school even though this isn't the school I went to.

I emailed Farah about the problem of work seeming to drain all the creativity from some of us. I used to be able to think up 12 good ideas to solve a problem. Now I almost have a stroke trying to come up with one. Rachelle suggested it was because we don't follow the design process ie: brief/concept/brainstorm/distilation/rah/rah/rah but I don't agree. I have used that system easily half a dozen times since I started here but not ONE of my projects has survived long enough to be used due to "management" inconsistancies. So basically, I don't do _anything_ creative and THAT'S the problem. Like any muscle even your creative muscle'll atrophy if not used on a regular basis - stretched and kept fit. I think mine has fallen off. I don't make any webpages at work anymore. My ability to hardcode is feeling like a vacant lot with the wind whistling through it. I don't understand why my employer raves about my abilities yet doesn't let me DO anything. He keeps pushing me into more managerial roles and although that's good for me, I really really need to be paying some dues here people.

a conversation today: "michelle, when we get any internet work, I want you to divvy up who gets the projects" "what internet work, we don't have any internet work" "We will have, we have one site almost confirmed as coming our way and anything that comes off the street" "Okay" "Rachelle's said she has dibs on our website, so I don't think she should get the next internet job that comes through the door" "well, if you are giving me the job of divving up the internet work, don't you think that's My decision to make?" "well, er, yes, I guess so" "okay"

Certainly, having responsibility is not a problem for me. I don't mind it at all and seem to manage okay. The whole point is though, I am in this industry because I like making stuff, and I like making it work. I never get to do that. I sit here all day stuffing content into an interface designed by someone else and fixing other people's spelling mistakes and now, giving any interesting work to other people. That's what I do.

I don't like doing this.

What do you do? what is your reality?

20 minute portrait (not self) - black crayon and brown paper