I had the most vivid emotional dream this morning about Alan. Honestly, it was like he was there, as if he was with me. He felt solid, he opened his arms and I circled his body with my arms and rested my head on his chest. He just held me. I asked him how he was, how 'it' was - he said it was pretty okay but he kept getting into trouble - he is the King of Understatement - I looked up to his face and he had 'that' half smile and he said like "I hang around with the wrong kind of people". His father was there, but he couldn't see Alan. He had a cellophane wrapped basket of things for his mother, but he couldn't give them to her himself. He took me out and I had to climb out onto a ledge to hug him good bye. It was a very thin ledge and there was a stark drop. He suggested we move along to a safer part of the face because there wasn't a need to be hugging each other with such risk. He said goodbye and he held me. Then left. I climbed back up the drop and into a cafe-like-room and sat at a table and the tears just flowed and I cried and cried and cried. Wendy was there with the girls and I had the sense he had spent a lot of time with them before coming to see me on his way out. When I woke the feelings were there - still so intense - but I wasn't crying. My face in the mirror had a shocked look, I didnt recognise myself at first. The 'feel' of him is still with me. I woke up knowing it had been him. I woke up knowing he had been worried about me and he knew I needed reassuring even though I didn't even know that myself. --------

It's Wednesday and my deadline is hurtling towards me at a great speed. One good thing though, and that's that last night I slept. Of course I do sleep at night, most nights in fact, just not always when I go to bed and most often not straight away. The night before, for instance, I decided at 0330 that if I was still awake by 0400 I would get up and go to work. That happens quite a lot to me, though often not so late. If I go to bed at say - 2300 or 0000 - it's not uncommon for me to still be tossing and turning in the dark to see the clock at 0200. Ron and I found Life Class hard work last night. Not that it isn't always hard work, but doing series of male nudes exploring weight shift isn't as easy as it looks. My first guy was falling backwards. By the forth he was looking more 'planted'. I cheat of course and use blocks of shading to achieve shape. Mostly everyone else is new and doesn't know how to or even if you are allowed to, use shading. I say cheating because it does cover up a multitude of sins. So we moved from drawing the whole body to zooming in to creat more of a composition with figure and paper. I had this wonderful idea of slicing the models body in half and only drawing his torso, which, by the way he was sitting, included his hands, a knee, leg etc and no penis (bonus). It went astray and I only ended up with his hands. One gargolian hand and one not-too-badly-shaped-hand. Afterwards, Ron and I went to O'Hagans for a drink and a natter. We've decided that's gonna be a weekly after-class-thing (anyexcuse*s*). I have spring flowers on my desk. Clear yellow and such a lovely scent. The day is grey and mistyraining, but not cold. Coming to work knowing my boss isn't here is a whole 'nother ball game. It's OK. It's nice even. There was no dread no whinging. It's nice. And although I know that I will be working later this evening because I am taking the time to write this now, it's okay too. This is how it should be. Make the most of it Michelle, he's back tomorrow to fix the computer he broke before he left so you can work like a demon to get the video clips done ontime. Ah well, it'll all turn out in the end. Fish are like that.

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"OH WHAT A WONDERFUL WEEEEKKKKEENNDDDD .." Gosh what a loverly weekend. Nice weather, nice company, and I finally BOUGHT A FRIDGE. Man alive, it's been months since I had a fridge, I was desperation-city for the last fortnight, giving up any attempt to eat at home and then so-so-sick of eating out and so-so-poor from having to do so. But now I have a fridge, and not just any old fridge either, a Fisher and Paykal Intuitive Fridge. I went out on Monday, which was a Public Holiday here, to shop. I don't normally do that, but I thought about some of the sales I had seen advertised and decided I needed a few things: glasses, towels and plates. You know something? I hate shopping. I really do. I came home with nothing after trudging around for about 2 hours. I don't enjoy people - they all walk slow and their trolley's get in my way. I couldn't see anything that I wanted and 'any old thing' never does. It has to be the right thing. So I stick with my plastic tumblers and too-many-bowls-not-enough-plates until I see something that suits, in a shop that isn't too crowded, for a price I am willing to pay. *checks my watch* when's the next Blue Moon? I wrote to Loobylu and asked her which WACOM she uses. A 9x12 Intuos tablet . Now there is something worth shopping for. Not that I've seen much of the WACOM range in stores but ordering it online seems to be no problem. I'm not sure what I need one for, but Freya says I need one - she is never wrong. Do you have any idea how busy I am this week? no, I didn't think you did or you wouldn't be here chatting with me you'd be letting me get on with my work. I'm cutting it fine again: biggg surprise *g*. --------