How to making moving house a real pain in the arse to find out who truly loves you

Don't form a plan - First rule of moving badly: do not formulate a plan. Second rule of moving badly - do NOT formulate a plan!

Don't do any prework - Under no circumstances is any prework to be done. This includes collecting packing boxes, wrapping crockery, phoning moving companies or booking trailers.

Don't keep moving - Frequent stops are required. preferably on the sofa and / or bed. Staring at things is a helpful way to make these stops last a long time - it's okay to stare at all the work you need to do but no not make any sharp or sudden movements towards doing anything.

Don't get up early - Even if you wake up at 6am then again at 7am and again at 7:30am and 8am and 8:45am - do NOT get out of bed before 11am.

Don't turn the television off - You might miss a vital and important infomercial or a program repeat. Even if you're not actually watching stuff, it will help give a boost to any stress levels you're already feeling.

Don't label boxes - this goes without saying but also remember, to not pack intuitively. You're not really going to need that hair dryer or those black trousers on Monday morning.

Don't organise transport- toy with the idea of *carrying* everything to your new residence if it's only 5kms up the road.

Don't organise storage - Leave hiring storage until you have all your belongings on the back of your trailer, truck and / or car. This will save you at least one nights storage fee as you'll need to leave said belongings in your trailer, truck and / or car.

Follow these few simple steps and you, too, will experience on of life's most character-building exercises. Remember, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you grumpy and able to test your closest relationships. The ties the bind are the ones that mean the most.