Dodgy CGI. Token WWF wrestler. Brad's bare bootom. Mean talk. Fight. Dead WWF wrestler. Mean talk. Brad's bare bottom. Helen's baps. Orlando's torso... oiled. Distant staring. Ominous talk. Fight. Dodgy CGI. Brad's arse again. Eric's torso. Fight. Bad blood effects. Agamemnon, the first Scottish king of Greece. I thought Peter O'Toole was dead. Actually, he might well be. A distant stare. Brad's arse. Odessius was from Sheffield? Brad tries to kill everyone. Then get's his arse out again. Oh for god's sweet sake, build the horse and get on with it. Eric's dead. Laughable special effects with crach-test-dummy being dragged behind chariot. Distant staring. Ominous words. Big fight. Build the horse. Try to stop thinking about Eddie Izzard. Orlando must be gay, surely. Oh look - the horse was full of Greeks. Big fight. Bad music. There's the heel shot. Kissy kissy. Everyone's dead.

There you go. I just saved you $6 and two and a half hours of your life.

Eddie's version was better.