When did you have sex for the first time? Were you in your teens, or maybe in your twenties? Was it a quick grope in the back of a fogged up car, or a seduction in a candlelit room? Maybe it was your honeymoon. When was that? How do you feel about your children, now or in the future, beginning their sexual lives? Is out-of-sight out-of-mind or would you want to know? would you, really?
I've said it before, about wanting things when you are innocent. Wanting your children to be open and honest with you. Wanting them to be happy. Pretty much that's what young people say, preparenthood. Then they become parents and it shifts slightly to "i want them to be happy and no way is my daughter dating until she's 35" and then, suddenly she has breasts and he has chest hair and hair gel oozes across the bathroom counter and hours on the telephone and huge bills to cellphones and do you really want to know what's going on? do you really want them to be coming to you with their problems, with their discoveries, with their heartaches? cos, you know something? Its really hard. Its so hard to watch your children make mistakes, and its even hard to see them succeed. And the hardest part is, you don't know if your ideas, your reactions, your parenting is okay until they're grown up and making their own decisions about alcohol and drugs and sex and the law and they're either working or in rehab.
And then they let you sing at the top of your lungs with harmonies you can barely hit and they don't complain and they love you back and they wrap their arms around you and kiss your cheek and say, you suck and you know you're on the right track and having kids was the best thing I ever ever did.
PS: nothing bad has happened, i'm just thinking outloud.. in the innocence i know find myself. remembering. forseeing. everything's OK. I even squashed the desire to tell you about my 'first time' to spare you the trauma.