Rachelle's laughing at me again. It's not a "you're so witty you make me laugh" laugh or a "laughing with you" laugh. She's laughing AT me and my Jamjar video from last year. We both agree that when you watch it you can almost hear the heavenly choir in the background, it looks so much like the opening credits to a Saturday Morning Evangelist. I just told her she "has to learn on her own, she'll retain more that way" what I really mean is "i don't know how to do it" but I won't tell her that. So, why am I writing in the middle of the afternoon? simply put, the Boss has decided today is "one of those days" you know the kind? days where you can't cope with work and/or life in general? yeh, in this instance, any day that ends in a Y.. so he's gone home. We have SO much work to do, but then, it is nice without him and I can get to spend a little bit of time on this faster internet connection spilling type into a box at geocities. How long have I had my own domain name? Still nothing over there. It's partly a time thing, that is, not having much of it spare these days. It's mostly (because lets face it, this is ME, and I make time for the things I want, it's what makes me so selfish) because I have no idea what to put over there. I am hoping that working on this project for work, which is heavily Flash based, will give me the confidence and/or the direction I need to put something interactive up at michellepark.com. Mags and I have decided Thursday's between 7pm and 9pm - alternating houses - would be our Patchwork/Quilting time. We both have loads to do and miss doing it. We are going to start with a treat in the way of a Block of the Month through Grandmother's Garden. Cats. I am notoriously awful at keeping up to date with Blocks of the Month, but Mags is generally fabulous at keeping up. It's a start though, and will be nice to be back to threading needles and bleeding fingertips and cutting the mat instead of the fabric etc etc. I'm looking forward to it. We are having trouble remember how to do stuff in a 3D program so I'd better get back to it. --------

I am out of sorts, off track, listless, rambling, wandering, pointless, procrastinating, wasting time - like you wouldn't believe! Here it is nearly 3pm on a gloriously sunny Saturday and all I have managed to do is wash my hair. I was up early but went back to bed, not because I was particularly tired, but because I didn't want to do anything. I am looking at fridges - which is nuts. Why am I looking at these appliences when buying a secondhand one would be less than a third of the price. *keeps looking* and the washingmachines. I could buy a washing machine, a dryer AND a refrigerator for the price of a medium sized fridge *keeps looking* they do look nice though. and i love having things delivered. O o o o look.. a DVD/CD system. *keeps looking* I need to get a Fly Buys card.. that's a card that accumulates airpoints with every dollar you spend. *keeps looking* I hate shopping. It takes up too much of my money *keeps looking* Fax machines are dumb. Pointless crappy plastic things they are. *stops looking* No one is here. No one. Adam's still away. Actual's rafting. Joanne is offline doing her assignment (we hope), Kristy must be doing weekendystuff too, CB is .. well I don't know where he is. I can't get home in time to see Amhere. Sander is still in America. Freya and Mike are living their Australian lives. I need to go pick up my gas bottle and fresh bread and milk instead of sitting here whinging. I did have a point to writing today but it's slipped my slippery brain. There is a big All Black rugby match on today, the Bledisloe Cup. Seems everyone is wearing black and transporting themselves to venues to watch the event. It's being held in the new sports stadium in Wellington. I just can't 'get' rugby. I love cricket but rugby just, has no hook for me. Maybe if Luca Vittori played rugby it'd be better for me but then he might be hurt so he can just stick to bowling cricket balls. I have the University short listed courses and seminars. Trying to figure which one's I'll do to keep off the streets. I was contemplating learning Italian but they all started during July, so I'm too late for that. There are some interesting financial and business ones that would be very sensible to take. The art ones have interested me, as usual. The bookbinding is tempting me as is the Summer Art School List. Linux Coaching? Overview of Modern Astronomy might be a nice change of pace. A writing workshop'd help me a LOT seeing as I can't. I'm enrolling in the Life Class anyways, even if I don't do anything else. The patchwork has been plugged into Thursday evenings again. Thankgoodness. I have missed it. I might see about gettting into the book binding class, i have something cooking on my brainbackburner that involves patchwork and dying, printing and binding, but it hasn't taken form yet but it's been brewing for over a year. I love how my brain is independant of my mind. Saves me a lot of work. Are you like that? Who is like that? the layers of my brain have little projects that evolve independant of me really thinking of them. There is vague ideas at the bottom-most layers. As they take form and require detail, they perculate to the upperlayers where I finally notice them. Once they are that high in the layers they are almost fully formed and I can use my hands to create the tangible. It's hard to articulate. No wonder I have trouble sleeping sometimes, perculation is a noisey business. --------

Concorde crashed shortly after takeoff in France today. It seems to have disturbed me. After hearing it over the phone on Sunday. Seems in the week before this morning's crash I had heard or read about the craft two or three times. It was on my mind. My brow keeps furrowing. Those poor people. I don't quite know what to do. I have that restless-not-that-happy thing going on. It's work. Nothing serious, not real life just work stuff you know? No, no. I know. I have some goals I need to achieve before I move on. I am not very good at sticking to something that's work. By that, I mean, pure slog. No Joy. I love working hard, find it really satisfying IF i have joy in what I am doing. It's been sucked from my very marrow. Drained from my bones. I need to just put my head down and do it until the New Year. To prove to myself I can do the things I know I can do. Need the tangible evidence that will help my confidence in walking into another play and doing this all again. What I can't understand is, why i have less confidence 6 months into this job than I did after graduation. Bit rambly. Not really writing sense so I will stop. Buck up mish. The 10th isn't THAT far away. right? --------