James is leaving. He is not being replaced by a whole-nother-james but being dissected and distributed amongst the multimedia department. Who has the skills to fill the puzzle that is James? Can Jonathan be the programming brains that was James? Will Todd be the person we run to with our database worries? Will Rosie be the person who can add and delete client access to and from information? Who will fix my computer when it doesn't work? What if a client needs to know something about the compatibility of their networks and our programs? Can James be divvied up this easily? Maybe. We won't know until all the invisible things start not being done after he leaves I guess. And which part of James do I get? nothing.. because there is nothing I can do that is anywhere near Jamesy enough to count. All I can do is go get bagels by myself - or sit and eat lunch and stare at the skinny tattoo'd freaks alone or not giggle at strategic eye rolling during staff meetings and Friday drinkies. It's not a good thing that he's going. I don't care if he needs a holiday or wants greener pastures. It's not a good thing that he's going. --------

I don't wear skirts very often - today wasn't a great day to decide to wear a skirt. It was very cold this morning. Right before I left the house the heavens threw hail at the ground. Lots of opaque beanbaglike balls of ice all over my car and chilling the air and my knees. Because it's all about me as we all know. Friday night and my eyeballs are hanging out. tired.. so tired. I should perk up soon and get a second wind so I can crash in a happy pile later on tonight. Happy to be crashing.. happy to be falling off the awake cliff and falling falling falling asleep. --------

I was going to say something then. Couple of people have asked where on the beautyandtruth.com website I snaffled the content for my last entry - the thing is I didn't get it from the website, it was in the email newsletter that arrives from there every Thursday. If you liked what you saw, why not go sign up for your weekly dose of Beauty and Truth. If that last paragraph was perceived to have *tone* it is unintentional. [stop reading something into everything] I still can't remember what it was I was going to say. An expectation: without even realising that I do, [and then I realise and say "of course you do, why wouldn't you?"] I expect people I call friends to observe unmentioned standards. Honesty, Loyalty and Trust. Discretion and decency. There is a fine line between humour and vulgarity and although I straddle it falling on the wrong side on many occasions, I become irritated when aquaintences do the same. Nope.. no sign of the stuff I wanted to say. Balls - I admire people with fortitude. Confidence and articulation, even when considered brash, are such interesting qualities. So even though I grump at you and tell you you're a pain and rude and loud and roll my eyes when you ask people infinitely personal and inappropriate questions, like the slimey stuff on the underside of tiles, you seem to be growing on me. But, please - put your boots back on. It amazes me that the people I know who are in the business of "communication" seem to be the worst at it. Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? --------