My big diagnosis

I have been diagnosed with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of tests, hospitals, and even a neurosurgeon after a nocturnal seizure at the end of May robbed me of a swath of memories and left me with a chunk missing out of my tongue.

I am currently taking my time relearning lost information, re-introducing myself to people I’ve forgotten, taking medication to (hopefully) forestall further seizures, and coming to grips with living with this diagnosis. My thought processes are slower - both following and participating in conversations - with words sometimes hard to grasp and understand.

Needless to say, I didn’t see this coming. I’ve been dealing with menopausal symptoms this year and taking hormone replacements to help ease hot flushes and mood disorders, and it seems, conflating some epilepsy symptoms with menopausal ones. The deja vu I’ve associated with menopause turns out to be a classic example of seizures or auras indicating epilepsy where I just thought they were my special flavour of hot flashes.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever had deja vu, but to me it has a very distinct set of sensations to make me feel very strongly that I have lived this moment before. Since my seizure at the end of May, I have not had another deja vu, but I have had the feeling that I’ve meet new acquaintances before - as if they are extremely familiar - but this is the first time we've met: my neurosurgeon (I have one of those now), doctors in the emergency ward, nurses taking blood samples - I felt as if I had known them in the past. It took me a little while to work out this was “all in my head” but it was quite unsettling at the time and now I’m pleased to say it’s gone away as I relearn my life.

I have forgotten all sorts of things I don’t even know I’ve forgotten: my sister visiting for the weekend in May; The Proclaimers concert with my cousin Kristy in April; my niece’s graduation; a number of other seizures in the last few months. My ex-husband Greg has become my memory-keeper, and has been coming to Doctor’s appointments with me so he can repeat this new version of my medical history I can’t recall so they know what’s going on.

I’m writing this here so you know what’s going on, but not so you’ll worry.

Please don't worry.

My family are an amazing support system. I’m extremely fortunate to have wonderful, generous, capable people around me. Work has been incredibly supportive and generous. I’m also extremely fortunate that I’ve not had a stroke, or dementia, or alzheimers or other brain damaging diseases which would be way, way worse.

What I have is a relatively typical, age-appropriate (turns out) disorder that can be treated and managed successfully with proven pharmaceuticals. I seem to be responding well and getting better and more "me" every day.

I’m also writing this here in case I have another seizure and need to remember this memory. Yay for personal blogs, right? 

Sunday update: RSI, Rabbits, and sad news.

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon in suburban Auckland, New Zealand. Load after load of washing has dried in the soft breeze. The back lawn is a bit long and is dotted with those little white daisies with their tiny yellow centres. Charlie, the oldest rabbit, spent part of the afternoon de-heading them so they must taste pretty good too.

Last night my cousin Kristy and her friend Nicola stayed the night. They’d driven up from New Plymouth to see The Rolling Stones at Mt Smart Stadium. I dropped them off and picked them up; not being one for seething crowds at concerts anymore. They had a smashing time and it was so nice to have them visit. We chatted and sipped wine and looked at boxes of old photographs. 

It’s a jolly nice weekend, all and all, after a not-so-nice week.

Health update

I have had a painful bout of RSI since last Friday. I've only started suffering from from stressful days on the computer since working at the University of Auckland. I get days when I have pain but it usually goes after a good night's sleep. Not this time, though.

This time it was so incredibly painful and debilitating - I couldn’t even dress myself - that my doctor declared me “unfit for work”. He sent me home for three days with a big box of strong anti-inflammatory medication. It worked after a couple of days rest and by yesterday morning I was able to fasten my own bra - something that I, and other members of my household, are eternally grateful for.

Rabbit update

We had a shock and a tragedy early Friday morning. A roaming dog jumped the garden fence, terrorising the rabbits and killing one of them. A couple of them are sporting injuries that might have been down to the dog or due to their flight from danger. Poor little bunnies. Bailey, our Jack Russell saved the day. He woke us up, whining and insisting we let her out at 6am and she flew out the back door and chased the dog (3 or 4 times bigger than her) away. The rabbits were all hiding - in the burrows they’ve dug around the garden and under sheds and deep in their hutches. It took them most of the day and rumbling tummies to come out from their hiding and be brave enough to try the previously safe garden again.

My Grand Daughters were very upset as the rabbit who died was the small and extra cute Rosie. Tandia (8) wrote a song, and Chloe (5) drew a picture of the dog about to catch the rabbit.

Dramitisation by 5 year old Chloe depicting the roaming dog and the rabbits.

It is all very sad and unsettling especially for Pepper, who was Rosie’s partner-in-crime and long-time buddy. She's looking a bit lost out there without her friend.

We’ve been sleeping with the back door open so that Bailey can run to action if and when this happens again. We do have a fenced section, but the fence the dog jumped over isn’t high enough to keep out a big, determined dog. We really do need to replace the fence, so hopefully that’s something we can do sooner rather than later.

Check out this video I took on Thursday evening. I was lying on the grass with my iPhone, just letting the rabbits be rabbits; my sore shoulder wouldn't allow me to do much else. Rosie is the small black bunny who chases the golden Summer away.

If you keep your eyes on Rosie, she digs a little patch of dirt before tumbling into it for a quick dirt bath. There're few things cuter than a rabbit rolling about because they only do it when they feel really safe and content.