Father Ted

Father Ted "So there he is. Risen from the dead. Like that feller.... E.T."
"Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, 'collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest"

Father Dougal "It's like a great big tide of jam. But jam made out of... old women. "
"I'm not good at judging the size of crowds, but I'd say there's about 17 Million of them out there."
"Aah! Brilliant. A load of people in a stable! It's the one thing I didn't expect."