"Michelle" he said, "You make a better door than a window." and you know what? he's right. --------

My face drives me crazy. Yes I know, you thought it was the fact I was dropped at birth but in fact its catching a glimpse of my face everyday that has kept me consistantly insane most of my life. See? I can't even show you my face without filtering it for your protection. I just have so much face. My head feels so big, my face feels so clumsy. My lips are too big and my eyes are too small. My eyebrows look like they are meeting in the middle and my teeth are pointed. I am not even gonna get started on my hair. You are most likely thinking I have low self esteem or something, which isn't the case. I am what I am and that's all there is to it. I don't even wish i had a smaller nose or .. okay yes, i do wish i had bigger eyes or longer lashes at least. I mean, I am trying to say.. this is me and I know this is me and I am stuck with me so I just get on with living in my skin and thats all fine and good. Okay I don't have a fucking clue what I am trying to say. People have their faces plastered all over their webpages and I think, yeh, look, they are just ordinary pics.. some are squewy some are crooked.. you know, just grab and shoot pics.. and they look cool (pretty much) but when I try it I just fall on my too big face. I get all arggg about seeing myself everytime I open my webpage and so I end up deleting the code and making the images disappear. I can cope with the Album cos its way over there behind a screen and I don't have to see it all the time. I remember earlier this year, having a conversation with Amy.. we were about to walk into the Bank when I caught a reflection of myself in the window. ME: oh... oh my GOD! I look terrible today! AMY: yeh, you do kinda. ME: why didn't you tell me I looked this ugly before I left the house? AMY: I thought you already knew. Maybe if I looked in a mirror more than once a day this sort of thing/surprise wouldn't happen to me. I went to the movies today. It was quite entertaining, though not a spellbinding movie or anything. If you like Martin Lawrance you'll likely like this movie and if you don't, you'll hate it. The Sixth Sense was brilliant. I went a few weeks ago, but didn't write about it cos I lost the ticket (typical michelle reason). But honestly, it was just wonderful.. Scary, simple, compassionate, touching. I would say go go GO see it. Bruce is wonderful and that kid.. god.. fabulous. :: :: :: :: :: I had a dream..of a beach. Of a sky touching the horizon of the sea, and white crested waves, I heard them. I walked barefoot along the reflecting sand, my jeans rolled up, a stick in my hand, my dog running about. I was walking back. Back to my house on the beach. I lived there, and worked there. I was taking a break from my day. I could feel the colours. I could smell the sounds. It was sooo vivid. So familiar. This is the third time I have had this dream, or should I say, a dream in this same setting. I love it there. I hate waking up. --------

(should be Procrastinator's Anonymous, but I am in denial) Hello, my name is Michelle, and I am an addict. Currently I am addicted to: unnumbered lists buying technical books (mostly computing) owning web real estate - while i keep this in check.. i did have the overwhelming urge to grab neighbouring territory when it was vacent last week. email - and i get quite grumpy when i dont get any, or if it's only xoom stuff. stationery items - folders, pencils, sharpeners I feel this list is quite acceptable.. there have been times when my addictions have included (sometimes in quite seriously damaging ways): cigarettes (i am not saying i am over them, but i am not as compulsive as I was) alcohol chocolate (which is really very sick, on account I don't even like the stuff) dieting patchwork fabric/books/doo-dads being spineless Things I would like to be addicted to: running/aerobics/some other heart motivating activity fresh air and sunshine lists/checklists/to-do lists laughter truth - spoken and unspoken style And yes, addicted/addiction is a strong word, but I don't do things in halves around here mister.. its full tit or no go. Well.. its mostly just thought and planning with no one to delegate to so stuff mostly doesn't get done. Just in case you think I blamed all my troubles/problems on my lack of underlings, you are 100% correct. --------