Me: Hi, I'm here to pick up a parcel for Michelle Park.
Her: How do you spell your surname?
Me: Pea, Aay, Are, Kay. Park.
Her: Oh, right. Nice and easy *gets parcel* Do you have ID?
Me: Yes, I have my passport *shows*
Her: *looking at the passport* oh.. oh.. what a lovely passport photo. Doreen, look at this passport photo, isn't it lovely.
Doreen: Oh yes, very nice.
Her: Ooo you look like that actress..
Me: *eyebrows*
Her: Oh.. you do.. you look like.. oh.. what's her name.. oh you know the one..
Me: *head tilt*
Her: .. you know.. the one .. in the film.. who got really fat.. oh who was she..
Me: *furrow*
Her: the fat one with the big undies..
Me: I'll just take my parcel I think.
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