The Jamjar

Let me nourish you with wokky Italian goodness

Grumpy Girl Graphic?

Pitt Street

Five Things

Claire tagged me for this Five Things thing. I've added one more "thing" because I think a
Five Things thing should have 5 things, don't you?

Five Things in my Freezer:

1. peas
2. almonds
3. peas
4. Absolut Vanilla
5. peas

Five Things in my Closet:

1. red coat
2. red umbrella
3. red sparkly earrings
4. red scarf
5. black Warriors' cap

Five Things in my Car:

1. my daughter
2. her crap
3. her friends
4. god knows what else
5. my umbrella

Five Things in my Backpack Purse:

1. red wallet
2. red lip gloss
3. 13 pens/markers/pencils
4. sketchbook
5. double earphone adaptor for iPod

Five Things in my Bedside Drawer:

1. Decleor Ultra Nourishing moisturising cream
2. Jack's EMA ID badge
3. Weleda Skin Food cream
4. Origins' Night-a-mins Ultra moisturising cream
5. AU$35

Public Bathing

more travel writing

A month or so back, Rosie and I attended a course at Auckland University for people who wanted to learn how to write in a travel-writing style. I didn't learn much because I'm not a writer and found it impossibly difficult. Rosie, on the otherhand, was just fantastic at it.

One of the exercises we had to do on the course was go outside and "experience" the world and then come back with a bunch of similes and metaphors to describe it - I was in a *mood* having had little sleep the night before/being a grumpy bitch in general, so didn't read my only offering upon returning to class. My "the breeze on her skin was cool like the touch of her lover's unfeeling fingers as he left to shag his mistress" was hopelessly unfunny so I bunked off the task. I shouldn't have because mine turned out NOT being the worst I heard that morning.. I think those honours go to our "published" writer (and oh didn't she know it) who wrote : "the air crawled across her face like a wet slug as the wind whistled around her legs like writhing vipers"

I Googled for some bad similies online and below are the offerings but I'd like to say that the people who wrote the following understand the concept very well and are not bad similies, but absolutely fabulous ones:

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m.traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m . at a speed of 35 mph.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

and while hurtling around the 'net, I found this from a article on bad writing, which tickled my fancy:

"Keeler is to good literature as rectal cancer is to good health. He makes the J.D. Robb novels seem as if they were written by Shakespeare. Given the choice of reading three Keeler novels back to back or being imprisoned in an Iranian jail,you'd need to think about it."

Winter Getaway

The flight had been turbulent. Flying through the endless, unpredictable storm clouds that had buffeted our trip, they disappeared as we descended to land at Insanity International Airport.

Nestled in the valley between snow capped Mt Prosac to the North and the formidable sight of Denial Range to the South, the seaside town of Insanity is sheltered from much of the wintery blasts that blow up from the Great Corporate Ice Shelf.

The journey is arduous, but the destination sublime. There is a true sense of tranquility in the air as we walked the pleasent and scenic route from the airport to our accommodation. One of the main reasons Insanity is such a popular destination for the weary is the incredible ability for the township to maintain consistant 5-star accommodation across all it's offerings. From Bed and Breakfasts, to multistoried apartments, the level of comfort is not equaled anywhere else.

While most tourists aren't much interested in the food, there is a great number of specialty eateries. For those who lean towards food as part of their city tours, a visit to Insanity isn't complete without including the famous Gorge Chocolate Grotto and the incredibly popular TakeOut Heave n' Go. This hamburger restaurant was especially designed for those bingers and purgers who require soft, doughy foods. This eatery in particular is an example of co-operation between some of the world's most famously competitive brands of burger.

By far and away the most popular passtime in Insanity is drinking alcohol. While drug use has increased over the years, it isn't making inroads to a market where the sheer availability of booze swamps out any competition. Everyone is merry. Everyone is having a good time. Everyone looks fabulous. Everyone loves a drunk and all drunks love Insanity.

But we hadn't come to Insanity for the usual tourist traps, as well padded and user-friendly as they may be - we came for one thing: the highly specialised straightjacket tailoring.

When I rule the world..

By cheesus that's an ugly car - god people suck - who'd buy a car like that. Gar I hate people. So many people to hate - so little time.
You can't bend everybody to fit into your Universe, you know
I think there should be only one kind of car and every time you go, say, to the Supermarket you drive your car there, park it, do your shopping. When you come out again, you take the nearest car - might not be the one you arrived in - just pick it up and take it home.
what if it was low on fuel?
If it was an electric car, whenever you parked you could charge it - each car park would have a charging socket so they're all ready to go all the time.
Yeh, that'd work
And we should do that with umbrellas, too - have umbrellas on buses to pickup if it's raining when you're ready to get off or leave on the bus if it's fine after all.
You know you're only saying this cos your car was stolen and.. where's your umbrella?
My umbrella was in my car
Heh. Sucks to be you.