The Jamjar

Photo Friday: Sunset

The Little General

Well, that was worth waiting for. I ended up dreaming about Stacey Jones all night. He was very nice (in my dream) and polite and smiled a lot (in my dream). He spent the whole day with me (in my dream) which included a match which they won (in my dream) and let me take a photo of him for my website, and one photo with him for home (in my dream).

I do know awake from sleep. That was definately a dream because the Warriors won their match, Stacey had all his teeth, and it was warm.

The Warriors pick up 2 points for their bye this weekend which is just as well - they haven't been so good at scooping up their 2 points per win and still languish at the bottom of the NRL table.

Sleeplessnessity

I am supposed to be asleep. I cleansed, toned and moisturised. I brushed, flossed and rinsed. I took zinc, muli-vitamin and st johns wort with an effervescent iron and vitamin C solution. I used the sleep-gel on my neck, temples and ears. I read for an hour. I turned out the light. Why am I still awake? I know i'm tired - I went to bed because I was tired.

The light is back on and I'm in bed with some Fantastic Noodles thinking the having-dinner is the part of the process I shouldn't have skipped. I had an exceptionally late lunch and it threw off my appetite feng shui. So between the heat of the noodles and the rehydrated monosodium glutomated peas I should be back to monkey-laiden dreams from last night before I know it.

I'm a bit weirded out too - I have to say; because I came home a bit late, and went straight to my computer to complete the work I'd started this morning before my meeting in town - I didn't shut any of my blinds. Now, my lounge and kitchen are visiable to anyone who cares to see (from that weird angle from the street if you stand by the hedge and cock your head just so) and it's like.. the NUMBER ONE RULE of women living alone. Close. Your. Blinds.

The fact I'm reading American Psycho won't be helping matters. Though not the gruesome nature of American Psycho, but the unrelenting detailed catalogue that has become a passionless monotone chanting on regardless of whether it's describing itemised brand names clothing the immaculately dressed Pat Batemen or the systematic torture, mutilation and eventual death of his victims.

It's the words; endless, restless. repetitive. chanting, detailed descriptions waken the voices in my head to narrate everything I do and think. KEEPING ME AWAKE. Even he has to cover his ears from live music, from chattering dates, from the city noise because it's just _too_much.

The amazing thing about reading this book in the first person is that it appears normal because he's me, my eyes - and I'm normal, right? Hell he's even likeable. There is no horror or passion associated with him or his actions because he is Being Pat Bateman. Mr Completely Insane. It's the times he has his anxious moments, where he loses touch with his control that we realise he realises just how much will he exercises containing his compulsions. Though he often expresses his desire to cut someone's arms off, or slit their throat, no one ever takes any notice of him because in the expansive, expensive, vacuous 80s - no one is listening. When he does let his urges free - he revels and relishes and rampages. He's one inventive little puppy.

There are lines and sentences that made me bark out loud laughing. I wanted, may times, to take a highlighter and drag it across passages and conversations so I could find them again - but you know how hard highlighters are to find when you really need them.

I'm thinking that I will try to sleep now my belly is cradling a warm tangle of Fantastic noodles.

NZ + MTV = STERIOGRAM

GO STERIOGRAM - legends!

4 nominations in the MTV video awards: Best Direction In A Video, Best Special Effects In A Video, Best Art Direction In A Video and Breakthrough Video.

And now it's completely sealed - knitting is COOL!

The Slackness of Lately
The Beauty of Truth

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Two years ago a diminishing marriage rate and an increase in divorces began to worry Malaysian officials. The family development minister issued a plea for spouses to be more aggressive about calling each other "darling," "sweetie," and other affectionate names. As you slip into the Amorous Season, Aries, I'm going to ask you to do that, plus more. Supercharge your entire approach to speaking the language of love. Be aware of how powerful your words can be in stirring the emotions of people you care about. Use your voice to experiment with romantic potentials and bring more truth and beauty into your intimate moments. >> FREE WILL ASTROLOGY <<

So - sweetie-darlings. Have you missed me as much as I've missed you? *air kisses* I'm just so boring darlings. *sighs* I bore myself I'm so boring. Dearest it's just shocking all this *lazing* about. It fair takes it out of me, pumpkin. And now, it seems, I'm in demand again and suddenly all busy once more. Poopsie, you know what they say: "No rest for the really really really really ridiculously talented."

Darlings, I leave in my wake a slew of besotted clients who coo and pet and gush until I must beg them stop, for they make me blush though I know I deserve their adoration and secretly love their fawning and gifts.

When I come home from a long, hard day at the squishy chairs drinking softly whipped cappucinos with casually dressed englishmen it is you, my sweetlings, that I come home to. My jewels, my angels, my precious darlings. The reason for my life itself. My honies, my fancies, my favourites. Without you, I am merely an extraordinarily beautiful, imaculately dressed woman wondering the world without a purpose. Lusting after one perfectly muscle-sculptured mediteranean man after the next. Without direction. Without you, my dearest loves, I would never know all I could be: a life half lived.

Sweethearts, I love you. Everyone. Yes, even you. Be proud that you make me all that I am, you are the apple of my sparkling blue eyes; the compliment to my perfect skin; the reason I get up every morning and return every night.

My loves, my honey-pots, my popsey pets, my lambs, my sweetie darling pumpkins.

FQ TOPIC: Decorated

FQ1: How have you decorated the walls of your living space (photos, posters, works of art, etc.)?

The walls of my house are stark and bare. The colours are neutral and non-committal. My house has the feeling of a fly-by-night shonky timeshare space meant to fool the casual observer into thinking it's a cosy home but with the ability to up-and-leave at 30 minutes notice.

FQ2: How have you decorated your body, both intentionally (piercings, tattoos, etc.) and unintentionally (wounds, scars, etc.)?

A couple of drunken weekends in Wellington with every intention of marking my body with ink and needles failed due to my inability to co-ordinate such endeavours under alcoholic influence. saying that, most tattooists worth-a-damn won't tattoo a drunken bum, let alone a shapely ankle.

I do have scars: one on my forehead where I head butted the corner of a concrete step when I was 2 years old. A nice one on my heel where I tried to slice it off by jumping into the compost bin from swinging on the clothesline to find a sheet of glass (presumably the glass was on top of the compost bin to encourage the heat) laying on the top and smashing through it. I didn't notice I'd cut myself until I got yelled at for leaving blood on the kitchen floor. I wasn't very big - I remember my mother lifting me up to sit on the side of the kitchen bench with my feet in the sink. I needed a number of stitches to hold my heel together which was kind of cool. As far as adult scars: I just checked but the welding scar I had on my neck has faded to nothing over the years so I won't mention it.

FQ3: How have you decorated your computer's "desktop"? Post a snapshot if you want.

I decorate my desktop by saving everything to it. I have more folders, pdfs, zipped files and general crap on my desktop than anyone, anywhere, anytime. There is no way I'm posting a screenshot it's just far too embarassing.

FQ PROJECT: Decorate your blog today! Create some art with an online Etch-a-Sketch (like the one here) and post a snapshot of your efforts (or, if you're not an Etch-a-Sketch fan, draw us a picture using whatever you want).

Where Did Alex Go?

I am completely useless for anything today after my 45 minute shiatsu facial massage. O_M_G. My skin is *glowing*. Radiant. And completely *lickable*. Go Origins. What a delicious range of skin care products.

Today was the first time I tried a wheatgrass shot from the Juice Bar at Botany. It tasted grassy, funnily enough. But the Bar supplies a wedge of orange to ease the aftertaste. Phet, you're right [as if there was any doubt]. Here it is mid-afternoon and I'd normally be whinging about needing a nap by now - especially after watching the entire Walking with Beasts six episode documentary series last night before I could sleep - and even considering I had this amazing relaxing massage this morning, I am still feeling a good level of energy. It's a shame the juice bar is 15 minutes drive+parking away otherwise I'd try it every day.

Speaking of the ballet *ahem - non-existant segue* I am disappointed, dismayed and disgruntled that Alex Wagner isn't dancing in next month's Madame Butterfly.

Okay, I'm *really* upset now - looking for Alex's profile URL he's not featured as a dancer with the Company anymore. *MacCaughley Culkin scream*

Seriously Unhappy about this turn of events.

Jåmës:   ello miss
Michelle: i'm depressed.. alex wagner's left the nzroyal ballet to join a london company
Jåmës:   no!   *tries to care*   *fails*

Church and Faith

FQ TOPIC: Stupidity.

FQ1: Admit it, sometimes you are not the sharpest tool in the shed. What's something stupid you've done recently? (The FridayQ doesn't count!)

I think the last stupid thing I did was work all one all-nighter followed by working next 3 days at 20 hours each. THAT was *reallly* stupid. I got the work done but I should've just said the deadline vs. work was unreasonable. Watched The Bachelor.

FQ2: Children do idiotic things all the time because they just can't seem to help it. What's something stupid you did as a kid?

I did four things that, at the time didn't seem related. Nor supid. But months later, they all came together in my brain when my father went to finish making the concrete block wall and I realised I'd been stupid:
1. Collected tadpoles from the creek in large preserving jars
2. Put the large storage jars full of tadpoles in the unfinished concrete block retaining wall - two jars per concret block - they fit perfectly
3. Continued this task throughout the first few weeks of a very warm summer until every block along the wall held a jar of tadpoles.
4. Forgot what I was doing.

FQ3: Sometimes, being a bit of an idiot is required (or fun!). What's something stupid you will be doing in the future?

I'm a purest - true stupidity is never planned. It's myopic and both narrow and single-minded.

FQ OBSERVER: People are morons. Without naming names, what's something stupid you've seen somebody else do?

I know too many morons and mostly i can't write about her.

coffee?

I went out in the world today and ended up at La Vista with James and some coffee well i got there first and had a bowl of coffee i guess you might say it was a latte but really we call them flat whites here in new zealand but a latte has more milk same shots but bigger bowl so therefore more milk and i was drinking that and writing a note to fishboy that i haven't sent yet and it's gibberish anyway but hell who doesn't like getting real mail cos no one sends real mail these days so even a mishscrawled note about nothing is better than nothing right? So then James arrived and ordered coffee and I ordered another although funnily enough the waiter forgot that secrety second bowl and didn't charge me even though I reminded him he didn't believe me and james and I drank coffee and talked about work and parents and movies and leather and ordered more coffee and talked more work and more movies and more parents and ordered more coffee and i had a scone and he had a bit of that and we talked more about parents and movies and work and the barrista only needed to catch my eye and I'd give him the "nod" and he knew more coffee and he kept it coming and we kept drinking til James had to go and so went and I went too but went somewhere different although I was going to go buy another scanner and roxio toast 6 I did neither instead opting to drive all the way to Howick to buy a bunch of design magazines instead and now I feel tired and hyped at the same time and this phrase "no one loves you as much as I do" keeps going through my head but I don't know what it's attached to and the design magazines are okay and this new one called dumbofeather is quite cool so many words though a lot of reading and hardly any pictures I don't know if i have the concentration to read everything in that wee pink magazine but I'm so hungry but instead of making something fast I am making soup from scratch which is taking forever but I am making making making and I love seeing James but he and I react differently to coffee and I do this every time and will not learn to have tea or water or *anything* else and that 4 x 2 shots of coffee is TOO MUCH FOR ME IN A SINGLE DAY!!

[from JJ]

Lots of lonely little anthropomorphised punctuation marks are hovering about outside your window in the rain, anxiously peering over your shoulder at the screen and wondering if their time is at an end.

The comma is casually leaning against the window frame, smoking and telling the rest of them to calm down. The full stop is bouncing around trying to get a view of what's happening because he's too short to see in properly. He asks the comma to lift him up so that he can see better, but the comma just scoffs and derisively points at the semi-colon, "You wanna end up like that guy? You go ahead... but not me buddy. Not me."

The question mark is looking puzzled and scratching her head as the exclamation mark bangs on about how he saw it coming a mile off, but, despite his most vehement protestations, no one listened, "I even called my two brothers to stand next to me... three in a row! But still, nothing... NOTHING!" He shakes the question mark causing her to fall off her dot. They both blush as she picks herself up.

An immigrant family of umlauts from next door call round to see what all the fuss is about. The mother talks gravely with the hyphen while her little baby umlaut and the colon's youngest child stare each at the other like circus freaks.

The left curly bracket has lost his other half and is beginning to worry the right parenthesis, who has suspected her husband of playing away for some time. "Ever since our son decided he wanted to be a “less than” and got himself kinked... that's when it started. I knew Lefty had a thing for curly girls, but I didn't think he'd ever do anything about it." she is sobbing.

Suddenly, the apostrophe shouts from his high vantage point, "Coffee! She's writing about coffee!" There is a murmur of excitement mixed with relief from the huddled punctuation marks.

"Maybe she's just buzzing..." suggests the asterisk, who was never really that worried in the first place.

"Maybe she had one more than she should have..." says the solidus, who gets used so seldom anyway.

"Maybe everything will be OK in the morning if she gets some sleep..." mumbles an underscore, more in hope than in expectation.

"Maybe..." whisper a pair of square brackets, who are standing so close together they're almost a rectangle.

It stops raining at last. The left parenthesis and the right curly bracket appear from the bushes and the window ledge falls silent. Her pointy bit is wonky, and everyone can see. The left parenthesis laughs uneasily, “What?”

Sequels and Soliloquies

A headache cups my eye socket. It's been vaguely here for days. The Panadol keeps it's whispered threats empty. It's one of those things that will take a mile if you give it an inch. It's all about pain management, people.

Maybe it's the weather. A delicate flower such as myself might be susceptible to the pressure changes the anti-cyclone has wrought. Lord knows it's brought enough cold air with it to make us realise how Winter should be. Frosty morning one day, fog bound one the next. I'm glad it left the rain though - these clear, blue, cold days are really quite beautiful.

Apparantly.

Or so I hear.

I'm going to go out in the World tomorrow. I waited all day for feedback from a client. It never came. Tonight I found out that's because she's in Australia. Nice to know these things. I'm sure she'll be hunting for me tomorrow while I'm in some sheltered spot soaking up the sun's rays through my eyelids.

My initial plan to spend an entire Thursday in bed-with-a-book has been put on the back-burner for a re-think and Plan B: Operation "Go Outside" has replaced it.

I had a test-run today by going to the Post Office. I cooled down by seeing Spiderman 2 - I didn't want to over-exert myself with too much sunlight all at once.

There was a part in the movie where Peter Parker aka Spiderman was questioning his destiny. We see the tormented Peter from outside his tiny, tidy room through clean, closed, paint distressed French windows. He asks himself why: why can't he have the things he wants; why can't he be happy; why can't he have MJ and be ordinary. He wonders whats wrong with him and how can he have all the things he wants in life. It was in the sensitive silence following this soliloquy that David's voice whispered beside me "well, you can stop talking to yourself all the time for a start"

Waiting for Client Feedback

So, it turns out I'm a Paranoid Schizoid Histrionic Avoidant Narcissist with moderate Borderline and Obsessive-Compulsive tendancies. And it seems I've been banished to the Second Level of Hell by Dante's Inferno Test. Who'dve thunk.

[via PissedKitty]

FEMH : 1 of 1

Living alone presents difficulties when it comes to food. Couple living alone with no desire to cook and you stand the real possiblity of starving to death - or at least contracting scurvy. I've proved, in the past, that a person can live on porridge and toast (separate meals, not in the same plate) for prolonged periods of time but really, people, it's not a good look. You end up resembling a bowl of oatmeal and I don't know about you but I don't look good in rolled oats.

So, welcome to the Fast Edible Meals for the Friendless. oh, I mean, Hungry. Fast Edible Meals for the Hungry, or FEMH which co-incidently is the same noise I make taking the first bite of a cream donut.

I mentioned a while back that I bought Jamie Oliver's wok/fryingpan/thing. Well it's just fan_tas_tic. If I wanted to, I could cook everything in the whole world in it! But I don't. Want to, that is. I do, however, cook a few things like the mushroomy-noodley thing I had for lunch.

And let me tell you how to prepare the mushroomy-noodley thing. First, you need mushrooms. Big, fat, feild mushrooms. Chop them up into big, fat chunks and throw them into the frying pan with a knob [heh, i said knob] of butter. Fry. [this is where it gets good] Then, rip open a packet of Trident Singapore noodles. You must, at *all times* have at LEAST six packets of various Trident noodles in your pantry at all times. Because they are to the millennium what porridge was to my hovel. Tease [ner ner big nose] apart the noodles and throw them into the pan with the mushrooms. You'll need a splash of liquid there because fluid's what gets these two ingredients really intimate. I just *happen* to have nonalcoholic liquid in the form of vegetable stock, but failing that wine'd do. A splash of stock and and toss all incredients until they're all hot and sizzling and look gross from the black of the mushrooms. Biff into a big black Japanese bowl [$2 at Countdown] and you've dodged death-by-stavation for another few hours. GO YOU!!

Today's installment of Fast Edible Meals for the Hungry has been brought to you by Jamie Oliver and Trident Noodle Selection. Though neither Mr Oliver nor the Trident Noodle Company are responsible or even TRYING the food mentioned above. Thank you.

Note: I find "couple living alone.." [first para] either a) every clever or b) very funny or c) both a) and b)

WRDF, WTF?

I pinched the link and did the test.

iRobot

This is NOT a photolog!

Gawd, three photos in a row! running the risk of becoming a photoblog here people. I'm really busy and really boring and really haven't ingested enough sugar to say much lately.

Okay, I know that hasn't stopped me before and, quite frankly, it's not going to stop me NOW.

a) Amazon package arrived. Oh Lord how a simple synthetic green sack can bring so much joy. Now I just need to find some time to read my new books and half a brain to understand them.

b) I forgot what b was.

c) My fridge is full of food - that's unusual. Mostly my fridge is full of beer [mmm be'or] and tonic [in case I have a sudden urge for a G & T] and a couple of lemons [see previous square brackets] and a half empty [full?] bottle of milk for tea/coffee/cereal and a carton of eggs [usually only 2 left at any given time]. But right now, its jam PACKED with food that will probably rot and I'll throw in the rubbish next Thursday. Okay - maybe I'll eat it - Don't let me forget!!

d) there's a d?

e) I meant to tell you how much I enjoyed Matchstick Men with Nicolas "god i hate that guy" Cage. I suffered through a "sound settings in progress" home theatre screening of the movie and got quite grumpy at everyone who talked and interrupted because I couldn't quite hear it even when they didn't talk and interrupt. I liked it though, and Cage's quirky obssessive-compulsive character seemed a tad too familiar for comfort but the movie was good that's fer sur.

f) Realising [after above] I'm going to be the grumpiest old lady around - I know some of you saw that coming, and I sort-of knew it too, but seeing how intolerant I was with my inability to hear I can tell I'm going to be the most cantankerous biddy on the block. When I'm 64? Try by 4pm tonight!

g) I want to go and stroke my new books. To flick through them and glance at this page and that. I want to unstack them from their prefectly stacked pile and open them one by one without creasing the seams, then to restack them in their flat-new-book tower. FYI.

h) No, I have no idea why I took a photo of processed cheese.

i) And yes, I know it's not good practice to put 50kb photos of cheese on a site that is accessed by many dial up connections.

j) when I say "many" I mean all six of you. I know Jonathan is on jetstream and he's number seven.

k) [deleted due to extreme language and general confusion]

l) I did post my FridayQ [thank you Rosie] the other day but I guess I forgot to save it because it never did make it to thejar. I was going to suggest I might do it later but hell, why don't I just do it now? [that almost seems like I'm not procrastinating by "doing it now" and not putting it off til later, until you realise that I am in fact procrastinating by posting to the 'jar at *all* !! and putting other stuff off 'til later - I am a complicated person]

Cheese, Louise

Ripsticking Sunday

That's My Team

The Warriors won 20-10 against the Parramatta Eels tonight at a stormy, cold, wet game in Auckland. This is the first time in all the live games I've been to that it's rained hard. The gusts of wind popping umbrellas inside out in a freaky version of the mexican wave.

So happy to see the Warriors play well and win solidly in less than ideal conditions. And what about that 70+m run by Stacey Jones WHAT A TRY!!

Weird to see the boys with shaved heads though, but now Clinton Toopi and Brent Webb's beautiful faces are plain to see. Lovely boys. Nice new shoes Henri - like rocket feet!

I'm so glad we went tonight. Its so cold we nearly didn't.

Respective perspective

Could I be any happier right now? This is so nice. Warm and showered, Origins Sleep Time[highly recommended if you have trouble relaxing and falling asleep] softly filling my senses, Greg Johnson in my earphones, reclined on perfectly piled pillows, iBook on my lap, wearing silky pyjamas in my toasty warm bed.

I've had such a good week - worked 38 hours which is pretty impressive seeing as that was as of 10am this morning and I didn't do much on Monday at all. I've decided to stop beating myself up about the way I work. I am the way I am. So long as I meet my deadlines and committments who cares when I do my work - that's the entire point of working for myself, right?

I've been amazed with this project I am working on. How I don't have the stomach ache and sleeplessness I normally have with projects. It's not that it's smooth, or easy, or seamless or anything - it's that I'm in control of my own destiny within it I think. It's me saying Yes I Can Do This By This Date and then doing it. The mistakes I make I own. I'm only responsible for those, and conversely I own the success of it too. I'm not being sucked dry by creativity vampires anymore.

OH I still rant - ask rosie and james, I was pounding the keyboard to them today ranting and knit-picking. It's not all tranquility and serenity - but it's so much nicer. I'm even getting a perspective on my procrastination too - it's all good, it's all part of how I work.

So this afternoon, with work done and emails sent, I lay down at 5pm for a nap - waking up somewhere around 10pm.

This weekend's weather forecast promises very tightly packed isobars so I'm planning on wearing coat/gloves at the Warriors vs. Eels game tomorrow night. YAY! I love wearing my coat though I have to admit it's starting to look a bit worse for wear. I will make it last the rest of this winter - but next Winter, I plan to buy a new one - not black either - red or orange or lime: oh yeh.

I got a bit worried about what I write online just then.

I know lots of people write about far more important things on their websites than how high their pillows are stacked or what colour their next-years coat's going to be - I don't have any interest in politics or news or religion or all the other topics I see on other people's sites - plus, they do a hell of a better job that I ever could manage. I like work, and funny people, and television and movies, and going to live sport and music. I like taking photos and i love sending pxt. I like my bed and I love my computer. I like to travel but hardly do it, and I love to drink coffee in cafes with friends.

My world is small and compact, and built on routine and measured paths. I only know what I know and I only type what swims around on my brain at any given moment. And I do it so I can read it again later and remember my past which, I often forget in the busy'ness of living.

My mind is full of collage and ripping paper, of paint and glitter glue, of painting and drawing of things that have been pushed out of the creative space of my mind by pixels and deadlines.

I've been told I'm funnier when I'm miserable, you might have to get used to a more squishy, happy Mish. It's nice - I'm beginning to remember what it's like to not be angry all the time.

A.T.H.F.

David:  master shake is so funny

Michelle:   i did a quiz "which aqua teen hunger force member are you" and I was Frylock

David: im frylock azwell!!

Michelle:   i really wanted to be meatwad

David:   i changed all my choice so i would be meatwad -  but im still a frylock deep down

Michelle:   can't fight who you are *fond pat on the shoulder*

shake: he pushed me
frylock: out of the way of the truck!!
shake: he is in a better place
frylock: in the grill of a truck??

26 Things

Sh1ft.org's at it again, here're this year's 26 things: