The Jamjar

Bernard says You getting any

Bernard says

You getting any action in here? Because I sure am not.
If yes, please forward any helpful tips
Not that I log in here for 'action', mind you
Lord knows that is not my game
Fact is, I have no game
I'm just an open, honest guy willing to communicate with interesting individuals of any ilk
I don't want something, I'm not here to mess with anyone
I'm just relaxing and availible
I'm tall, masculine, single...I have been blessed with large hands and feet, and I am sensitive to the needs of others (up to a point)
If I'm doing something wrong here, I'm open to suggestions
It's not like I don't have any other options than this, I'm going to be away from chatting for a while, I've got an outside world to navigate
Maybe guys like me have gone out of style
Maybe I should try out that rude, selfish style, that always works
But to be honest with everyone, I just don't get off that much on being rude and selfish
There comes a point in life where you begin to realize that we ourselves are in control of who we really are...how we want things to be...our circumstances, our environment
Anybody wants a piece of me is going to get a sensitive, tall, masculine guy with big hands and feet who isn't rude or selfish
And I do mean
anybody
To top it off, I just got a haircut, I'm presentable.

He wants to be a

He wants to be a rock star. He wants to be an actor. He wants to be the funny man, the straight man and the inconsequential extra at the back that no one pays any attention to. He wants to be a philosopher; a religious leader; a politician; a diplomat. He wants to make you laugh. He wants to make you think. He lets you look into his head at his world and he wants to have a look into your head at yours. He does impressions, mimes and stand up that would make you fall down laughing. He has fake breasts that he wears over his ears when he flies on planes, and a penchant for high heels and make-up. He wants to change the world, and, if the world had any sense, it’d let him do just that. He’s been in films, on TV, in theatres, arenas and clubs. He’s sometimes so funny, he even makes himself laugh. He is a master of the art of digression, and he fills me with hope that talent still exists and is rewarded in the world. And another thing; apart from the one time he mentioned spreading it thickly on communion wafers to make the whole process meaningful, he hardly mentioned jam at all.

Never put a sock in a toaster… but, if you ever get the chance, see Eddie Izzard live.

There are things to write

There are things to write - and it's been a while. About our christmas party. About champagne in rosie's cleavage. About the word "paralytic". About software and laptops. About endings and beginnings. All this is translated into "ah ah ah" noisings and no wordage.

It's a busy time of year. This year, it's a nice time of year. The weather is nice. The presents are wrapped. The plans are made.

The New Year will truly be one - and 2004 is looking mighty good - she says skipping over the Christmas bit. No, no. I have things to say, but not necessarily today.

It's taken me all day

It's taken me all day to get back home to my computer - I guess that's a good thing seeing as I had the day off.

I went to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King this morning with Jacqui and David. Weirdness arriving at the Theatre - lots of car park spaces and not many people about, cinema ticketing area virtually empty but entering the cinema to find it packed to the gunnels with people, all sitting in their seats ready for the movie to start.. Like some sort of science fiction movie .. or something.. something.

Anyway. The movie. Yes. As you would expect. And then some. The special effects seemed to have wound up a notch, especially the battle scenes. Take some tissues - you won't need a whole box but you might need one or two - lots of sniffles in the theatre at different parts - couple of cheers and smatterings of applause too.

Each of the movies so far [Fellowship of the Ring and Two Towers] has had a "Legolas" stunt, more better [haha, i love saying that - more better.. or even betterer, more better'r hahah] than the last - the first movie had him "jumping on the cave troll and... " [ok i need to check that i think my brain is munging information, I'll check with rosie and get back to you] the second movie he did that "swinging up on the horse" thing and yay, Mr Jackson gave Legolas the best stunt for the last movie - the theatre erupted into cheers so you'll probably know the scene when you see it :)

I was disappointed with the sound. I am guessing it's the cinema's set up. I found it difficult to hear the dialogue over the score, often. Other people did too so don't think it's my hearing.

The rest of the day I spent Christmas shopping with Jacqui, David and Amy - and this evening wrapping presents and decorating the tree.

Greg had picked up the christmas cards I designed for his company - they looked really good. He was chuffed and we were both really pleased with the service, work and cost from the Printer.

Here's the artwork from the front of the card - the company does roading, paving and driveways - so this is what we did with one of their work photos:

Now I'm at home and I should be in bed - I'm tired enough. There's some kinda gay version of Peter's Friends/The Big Chill. It's called Love! Valour! Compassion! - if it was pudding, it would be vanilla. Why aren't I asleep?

another day at the office

another day at the office

me = looking out a window - there's a bird in the tree
you = looking out a window - where, i can't see a bird
me = looking out a window - there, over there, a bird
you = looking out a window - nope, no bird
me = looking out a window - there, there is a BIRD in the TREE
you = looking out a window - there's no bird
me = looking out a window - Tamara, can you see the bird in the tree?
Tamara = looking out the window - oo look, there's a bird in the tree!
you = looking out a window - I can't see a bird
me = looking out a window - right there dammit there's a BIRD IN THE TREE
you = looking out a window - there's no bird in the tree, in fact there's no tree!
me = looking out a window - there's no tree?
you = looking out a window - no bird. no tree.
me = turning you around to look out THE window
you = looking out THE window - there's a bird in the tree!

How to Appear Incompetent -

How to Appear Incompetent - a Lesson in Transmogrification from RGB to CMYK

Send the Printer a pdf of the file you want printed and ask for a quote for 100 copies.
Receive the quote within 3 minutes. [now that's service]
Call to confirm quote - send confirmation by email.
Printer asks you to supply file with "bleed [which you know about] and crop marks [which you don't know about]"
Ask Printer about how to do crop marks - he asks if the pdf is high resolution, you say it is, he says "that's great, we'll handle the crop marks".
Printer promises print run to be complete by 9am next day [amazing service for this time of year]

Awesome.

Printer calls to say the Font hasn't embedded in the pdf, could I embed it and resend.
I can't embed it because I don't know how - so break text *apart*, pdf the file and send.

Hope that works.

Printer calls - no good [must look like shit] could I send the original files [this printer is amazingly patient and polite]
zip files and ftp to website - send URL to printer
Printer calls - he's downloaded the files ok but they won't open - they might be corrupt - maybe i could just email them
recompiles the files [to be safe] zips and emails them to Printer [completely aware of what a WALLY i must appear by now.

Now I'm waiting for him to call to say that doesn't work either so I can burn them onto a disk and take them over to him by hand. He's patient and friendly and is giving amazing service - he just doesn't realise he's talking to an RGB girl in a CMYK world.

At least i'm multitasking - while waiting to find out my files to print won't work, i'm waiting to hear from a client about how my program - delivered on Monday - isn't writing to a database - even though it does for me.

but wait.. there's more
Printer called, could I break apart the text and send the files as .eps
Breaks apart fonts, sends as .eps
Printer calls back - no go - the stupid fon with the stupid german name [there's always a german somewhere] is the problem, the Arial font is ok though
I change the fonts to a normal old Arial and Arial bold, break apart the text, send through to a very tired printer and hope that does the trick.

michelle: *singing rolling stones* BROWN

michelle: *singing rolling stones* BROWN SUGAR!
therase: *not singing rolling stones* IN THE RING, LA LA LA LA LA!

"anyway, while i'm all for

"anyway, while i'm all for ridding the world of sadistic murdering dictators, i just have to say, for the record, that i think a whole lot of us would have also been psyched about an ipod." read more tequilamockingbird"

I have this seething under-boiling need to blog rivers of rant to purge myself of the teeth clenching irrelevant wastage I see around me - but it's all work related and I'd end up getting my perfectly formed rear kicked to the pavement - which in itself wouldn't be the *worst* thing that could happen to me at the moment - no one's seen fit to vote me off this island yet for all my faults and rudeness - but I will hold my tongue so at least I have a chance to get to the pavement on my own terms.

Meanwhile - I'm happy to report that tomorrow is Thursday 18th December and we all know that means LOTRs ROTK is in the Cinema and I'm going to see it in the morning. I went to the last two movies on their midnight first-day showing but this movie is *so* long and my poor [but perfectly formed] bottom needs the comfort of the Berkeley Cinema's extra-comfy seats so I've taken the day off and that's where I will be.

First I had brunch with

First I had brunch with Legolas, and now I've been to a gig with Arwen. Golum called earlier to see if I fancied the pub after work.

Slipping my hand into my

Slipping my hand into my pocket for comfort, I found the Kathmandu wine bottle opener. Damn. I thought I'd put that on the Kristy's bench on Saturday night. Nice Michelle, really nice, go to your cousin's 30th birthday party and steal her exceptionally nice opener. It ended up in the pocket of my jacket because I'd cleverly purchased non-screw-top beer at the supermarket on the way to the party, so needed the tool close-at-hand at all times rather than walking back into the house each time I needed to open a bottle.

I left for Rotorua later than I intended on Saturday. It has been really hot and muggy here in Auckland, and finding the energy to tear myself away from The Secret Life of Plants was just too much effort. I was making good time until I passed through Tirau, where, due to a car accident, the road through to Rotorua was closed, and I had to backtrack and drive through Putararu and Tokoroa to get to my destination.

It was really nice seeing Kristy and Mark as always, and their friends, and parents. I haven't seen Kristy's mum and dad [Pat and Chris - my godparents] since they moved to Australia 5 years ago. So it was hugs and catching-ups all the way around. Kristy's 30th was distinctly different from her 21st. Besides her friends had grown up by 9 years or so, now several of them had babies - including Kristy - and they all drank a *lot* less, and went to bed a *lot* earlier. That's family life for you. Whereas at the 21st we had an avocado dip fight at 4:30am, all the guests had gone and we'd cleaned up by 11pm at the 30th. Such lovely people though, they let me talk about me continuously with hardly any complaint.

Kristy was born on December 17th, 1973. I was in Form One at McKillop College in Rotorua. It was a quietly industrious morning when I looked up to see my Grandfather peering through the window of my classroom, before stepping into the door and asking to see me. I was so excited when he told me, out in the corridor, that Aunty Pat had had her baby and it was a girl. It quickly turned to disappointment as I realised this great piece of news didn't mean I got to go home with him, and he deposited me back into my classroom.

I'd been going to Wellington for holidays with Pat and Chris since I was 9, but now I got to go stay with them in their new house and play with their new baby, and watch her grow into the cutest little extrovert of a child. And now she's 30 and has a beautiful daughter and a loving husband of her own.

I eased into Sunday with a lovely breakfast thanks to Aunty Pat. Pat and I sat around talking and listening with Emma and her baby daughter, Frances; and Kristy and her baby daughter, Ellen - before it was time for them to leave. I stayed most of the day with Kristy - going out to see Mark's new work mates and do a bit of shopping at the Craft Market before coming home to baby bathing and dinner.

Leaving a little after 7:30pm, the drive home was hard work. The rain and poor visibility meant it got a bit hairy sometimes with oncoming traffic and streams of cars too-close behind. I was pretty glad to crest the Bombay Hills and have the long, well-lit motorway taking me all the way home.

Here I am at work, Monday morning, with my cousin's wine bottle opener in my pocket, on another muggy, wet, Auckland day. Christmas isn't far away now, and it feels like all I can do to hang on until I can finish the work year. It's been a long, hard year workwise, and I've learned a lot about people, processes and business - both in how *to* do things and now *not* to do things. I get so wound up in work, it's not until I sink into Kristy's couch in her lovely home and remember how much I love my family and how little time I give to them compared to work.

My New Year's Resolution is to put a stop to that - to get my priorities straight - to make *work* more flexible around my *family* not the other way around. I will put an infrastructure in place to achieve that goal over the Christmas break.

Homestarrunner Switch iPod's Dirty

Homestarrunner Switch
iPod's Dirty Little Secret

Is it just me,

Is it just me, or .. what *is* that
in Legolas' hand? I guess if an
Elf has a penis it may as well look
like that!

..."You have nothing more to lose, do you?" he asked softly. When steel blue eyes fastened upon him in surprise, Legolas nodded towards the keepsake lying against the Man's heart. "The love that would give you a reason to fear, that is lost to you. You think you have nothing survive for, and thus lies your courage."

He felt Aragorn's startled gaze upon him as he descended the steps, but he did not turn back to look." ...Finding Faith

michelle: *yelling up the hallway

michelle: *yelling up the hallway at work* THERE'S COFFEE READY IN THE KITCHEN!!
rosie: *wandering down the hall mock yelling back* THERE'S A GUEST WAITING IN RECEPTION!

OOPS.. I mean, oops. We're not a company that yells out to each other, we're a get-up-out-of-your-seat-and-go-to-them kind of company. We're also a grind-our-own-coffee-beans kind of company [though we have a "staff" jar of beans and a "client" jar of beans and don't even *get* me started on *that* subject] - which brings me to a point where I need to remind you that the coffee grinder is a bit temperamental, and requires a certain knack to get it to work - but one thing for sure, it doesn't matter how hard you lean on the grinder, how many times you bang it on the bench, or how you hold your tongue - if it's not plugged into a wall socket that puppy's not grinding *anything*.

Thank goodness Kaitlin made me

Thank goodness Kaitlin made me a fabulous new computer (see below) over the weekend because tonight, I borked my G4. I was emailing a friend when boom, well no ok it wasn't a *boom* it was a veil and a message requiring me to restart my computer by holding down the power button for several seconds. Which I did. And my computer restarted. And the apple appeared. And the computer "veiled" again and told me to restart. Which I did, and the computer restarted and then told me to restart it which I did - well, you get the picture. Like Bart Simpson and the electrified muffin, it took me a while to decide my computer was fux0red and so txt'd my trusty IT guy who traded a ride home from work for a maintenence session.

So now my borked G4 is being fiddled with by a PC junkie who wants to steal its DVD ROM drive. But such is life in the fast lane of computering.

Over the weekend, I wrote lots about the Ballet and about, well ok, mostly about the Ballet because I couldn't write about the crazygonuts stuff that goes on at work - but I haven't posted it yet - I was told it was "too harsh" but truth hurts, folks, and if you're not the right person to dance the lead you're *not the right person to dance the lead*

Okay, hands up who can tell I had jam and white chocolate for dinner.

PS: jam and white chocolate is a BAD dinner.

<img src="http://www.slightlybewildered.com/pictures/paper_mac.jpg" width="710" height="461" alt="here,

Posted by Rosie at 9:43 PM