The Jamjar

It's 1:43am and I can't

It's 1:43am and I can't sleep. My heart's pumping blood around my body - which is a good thing - except I can hear it. I can feel the very shape of my eyeballs in their sockets. My stomach is gurgling with emptiness as breakfast gets closer. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth. And the sure sign I can't sleep is that I am dredging up memories of Paul Mills and beating myself up for not walking out the night of our very first date.

When my brain won't shut up, it's like some caffenated mad cleaner has decided to alphabetise and reorder all the files in cabinets M-Z in my brain. Which again, wouldn't be so bad if she didn't insist on reading each and every one of the files out loud, forcing me to listen and emphasising important points I'd missed at the time. Like the time she read and re-read the file about the guy in the book shop who talked to me for ages about what books I liked until I realised, two years later in the middle of the night, that he was actually trying to pick me up - I mean come on, Michelle, guys aren't *that* interested in Anne McCaffrey.

It's been a while since I've had insomnia - I guess I forgot what it was all about. This is Night Four.

Anyway, anyway - hot milk, and honey - that'll stop the tummy rumbling *and* make me carbohydrate-sleepy.

My cellphone has been flat for two days. I finally charged it this evening and low and behold, three txt messages, all from James. Now I know he's all infared and a keyboard txt'r but his messages sure did cheer me up, a LOT. Not because they were funny - and lets face it, mostly he is funny - but because one of them said the very right thing at the very right time.

My bed is all falling apart from tossing and turning in it. I remember when I was a little girl and getting sick with the horrible things little girls get sick with - like the mumps and stuff - and feeling sick and hot and having bad dreams and tangled sheets, and mum getting me up to have a bath and get me into clean pyjamas and coming back to my bed to continue being sick to find it remade with cool clean sheets and folded back blankets and I don't think, apart from the illness part of the scenario, that there is a better feeling in the world than sinking into that cool white bliss of mother tucked sheets.

If you owned a company that dug ditches, and you had a team of ditch-diggers who worked for you - would you call them ungrateful if they still complained about their working conditions after you bought them new shovels for Christmas?

Milk's all gone - will go and straighten my bed and have another go at this sleeping thing.

Abe's Bagels Cafe on

Abe's Bagels Cafe on Swanson Street is now called Swanson Cafe. It appears they still serve Abe's Bagels, but it's not listed on the official Abe's Bagels website.
My uninformed guess is that the Abe's Bagels people have separated the cafe business from the bagels business, which would a)protect them from the cafe being too quiet, and b)allow the cafe to sell more cafe style food than just bagels.

We (me, Mish, James) went there practically every day for months, addicted. I'd get a tomato basil bagel with cream cheese, James'd get a cinnamon-raisin bagel with wildberry creamcheese (blech) and Mish would have her lemon honey. And we'd all have large flat whites, and we'd be forking over $7.50 a pop. I can't remember when the drift started, but I suspect it was when James left work. Then the "bagel guy" we knew and loved was replaced, and all the comforting familiarity of the place was gone... replacing the laconic, relaxed-but-efficient style of the old staff with an enthusiastic "HI ROSE!" ,an inability to work the cash-register, and the world's most ancient macintosh for a web terminal.

PS: Since I've used the phrase "Abe's Bagels" so many times that google will think I'm important: a message for Abe's bagels people.
Please, please buy the domain abesbagels.co.nz for yourself. Heck, abesbagels.com was available too, last time I checked. Having bagels.co.nz is really cool, but having your company name would also be good.

Rosie gently prodding Defective Yeti's

Rosie gently prodding Defective Yeti's comments on "door rushers" reminded me that I wanted to rant about Elevator Etiquette [ Gender specific etiquette ] for ages now.

At first, I thought that it was something cultural, you know, like spitting on the sidewalk or walking on the right. Then I noticed it wasn't confined to one or two cultural types and seemed more across-the-board kind of problem. Not waiting for the people *on* the lift to disembark (yes I take the Ferry so I am down with the nautical lingo) seems such breach of basic everyday manners. I thought it was an unspoken rule that when an elevator car reaches the ground floor, those awaiting the lift stand a fashionable distance from the entrance for the passengers to vacate the car before moving smartly into the elevator. I say "unspoken" because I don't ever remember being told this in Manners School, it just seemed the natural, polite thing to do. Apart from anything else, it's not the safest thing to walk straight *at* people who have only one way out of a small metal box, and no matter how svelt you are there are only *so* many people that can fit between open lift doors at one time.

I don't see the same problem with escalators, that's pretty much first-come-first-served as far as I'm concerned but please, people, watch your distances - the angle of the stairs means you are at eyelevel with someone's ass if you don't watch it - unless of course watching strangers asses is your thing then by all means do so, but use discretion.

It's nice to hold the lift doors with one of your less important limbs if you had noticed a fellow building dweller walking behind you into the lobby - but note distances, time is money you know. Another nice thing you can do on your daily elevator travels is to offer to press another person's floor button for them if they have their arms full. Or to inquire as to the weather. Using the lift shouldn't be an excuse or reason to add further stress to your day.

There's fun to be had with elevators too, especially if you travel with your friends in "packs". When I lived in Devonport, Kiki, Todd and I would arrive and travel the lift together and let me just say, there wasn't a better show in town between Ground and Level 11 - witty, snappy banter, drawing in fellow lift travelers like seasoned street performers - what better way to start your day then travelling in a car filled with desparately hilarious hungry eLearning people who don't want to be on their way to work - talk about a captive audience. Or, as i found out the other day, directing a woman to her lift with a "your lift is this way Madam" and gesturing, ushering her complete with slightly bewildered [ that's an expression of mild confusion, not the face of someone who had just visited Rosie's website ] [of the same name ] [Slightly Bewildered] [in case you didn't know] [which you should by now] expression into the elevator and answering, when she inquired as to whether I was coming too, "no Madam, this is your lift. Please enjoy your ride and thank you for visiting Level 11."

And no story about elevators would be complete without the original Lift Gnome story. He was already in the lift going down when it's doors opened and I entered from Level 11. He was holding his weight on the handrails, his feet dangling inches off the floor "if you do this" he said in his Canadian [they're all strange] accent "it feels really freaky when the car stops." We got to the ground floor, and he didn't get off and the doors closed and took him up again. He became known as the "Lift Gnome" in part because of his gnomish looks but mostly because who the hell just goes down to go back up again? (of course, as in nearly all cases, he turned out to be a really nice guy and on closer inspection looks nothing like a gnome and god help me if any of you ever tell him that's what we call him because he'd have my guts for garters).

Some etiquettical links:

"make room for a friend!"
The Spoon's Experience
Vanilla Ice Explains the Rules of High Rise Elevator Etiquette

Could you just? and other

Could you just? and other Alarm Bell Phrases

Reasons I Love My New

Reasons I Love My New Kettle

It's blue and semi-transparent
It's a cordless Russell Hobbs
It was on sale for HALF price
When I fill it with water, I can see the level
When I put it on it's base and flip the switch, it automatically switches itself off when its boiled
It will never make a cup of tea by itself
When it gives me a list of things it wants me to do, it's the exact list it wants - it doesn't give me a list and expects me to be understand that the it is an off-the-cuff meaningless message-in-passing and *telepathically* sends me the *actual* list from the kitchen while I am in the lounge
My kettle knows I have no extrasensory powers
It never expects me to know stuff it hasn't told me
It never goes out while I'm still making a cup of tea in the kitchen
It doesn't expect me to do the entire layout of a full section of a document when that's the desktoppublisher's job
My kettle knows just how long it takes to boil water and never expects it to be done in less time
It never uses the word "just" giving me the impression it thinks my job is a piece of cake
It knows how to use Word.

A dropkick in the final

A dropkick in the final seconds of extra time puts England in the lead and gives them the win in the 2003 Rugby World Cup.

While JJ was busying having beer for breakfast in the UK while watching the game I was in another pub, paying my $2 to try and pick the score and the win. I picked 38-28 to Australia - way off the 20-17 to England final score. Sonia was last to be in the sweeps and she thought about and calculated the winning score. The Organising-Guy was so impressed he asked "what do you do for a living?" she told him she was a teacher and he "ahh'd" and said "no wonder you're so analytical." So I challenged "so you could tell I was a stripper purely by how I figured my score?" He laughed and suggested that if I lost, I would strip for the bar. I laughed.

Until, after the game he came up to say thanks for coming to the bar for the game and hoped we had a good evening then suddenly remember the stripping comment, turning to then remind the rest of the bar "we have a stripper here and she has to strip!!" god i do get myself into situations. After a while of me not stripping and him trying to get me to , he gave up but asked me to "Please don't come down here and threaten to strip" ever again. Sure thing, I said, that's a done deal!

help help i am in

help help i am in a robot chair.

Michael Jackson's arrest record: "HAI:

Michael Jackson's arrest record:

"HAI: BLK"

He wants to be careful; he'll get done for perverting the course of justice too.

[Operation Impending Doom] says: <font="really

[Operation Impending Doom] says: <font="really big and scary">RAAAHHH</font>
Jonathan says: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! <audio="screams like 10yr old girl" action="wets pants">

*snicker*

The Way You Make Me

The Way You Make Me Feel The Neverland Lullaby by Michael Jackson

The Way You Make Me Feel
You Really Turn Me On
You Knock Me Off Of My Feet
My Lonely Days Are Gone

Ain't Nobody's Business,
Ain't Nobody's Business
Ain't Nobody's Business,
Ain't Nobody's Business But
Mine And My Baby

oh sweet cheesus [sucker for punishment
]

*starts posting stuff that will

*starts posting stuff that will get me voted off this island*
I was looking at an old blog Rosie and I used as our "safe place" the first time Marshall went away for an extended period of time. Reading it brought back memories long since blanked out, it was a very difficult and painful two weeks, but this sliver of an entry made me smile:

Later that night, after everyone had gone - depression [over removed portion of initial post] I decided to ferret out the mythical secret Snickers bar, legends tell is hidden in Marshall's drawer. The Plan to discover the hiding place of the sinfully secret chocolatey goodness and, after consumming, replacing so no one was any the wiser. Such plans are so sweet. Quiet as a mouse, and careful as a nosey housewife-with-someone-else's-mail, drawers were opened and scanned - taking special note not to let one's eyes fall onto anything that *wasn't* a Snickers bar - the search was fruitless - or, as we say in the Old Country, Snickerless.

*panics*

*panics*

NZ Idol? omgosh, how funny

NZ Idol? omgosh, how funny that will be.

Auckland on a lovely,

Auckland on a lovely, warm, Spring day. [ Mantrack Webcam ]

I heard something on the radio this morning about the idea of legislation to stop people with pix-capable phones "snapping" shots of people without their knowledge or permission. That'll play havoc with me snapping photos of sunbathers on the roof of the Stamford Plaza! Not that I have recently, but summer *is* coming, you know.

I had the pleasure of lunch with Ms Beverly today. We went to Daikoku on Quay Street for a quick Teppan-Yaki. She agreed with me that my new ring, is in fact, VBCP.

There were two young men sitting at the next Teppan-yaki table, and I know one of them but can't for the life of me remember from when.

anyway..

Did you realise, that there weren't three separate species of Moa but only one. Scientists thought, because of the huge height differences in the bones they found, that they must be different species of Moa. In fact, the really big birds were the females. At 1.5 times bigger than the males, the female moas towered over their puny mates. Kinda explains why they died out - they weren't hunted to extinction, it's just that the poor boys couldn't get their leg over.

So, now that mish was

So, now that mish was a finalist, does that mean people are reading this stuff? *stagefright*

Thanks to Rosie in all

Thanks to Rosie in all her custom buttony goodness. She recently updated the design on her site [Slightly Bewildered] so made me a new link button *waves vaguely at the left of the page* for the jamjar. Please feel free to use it, I've topped it up so the first 50 visitors are free.

Alaska is Rich in Native

Alaska is Rich in Native Culture and History

"From the Inupiat (In-OOPY-at) Eskimos of Barrow, just above the Arctic Circle, to the Tlingit (CLINK-it) Indians of Ketchikan on the tip of Southeast Alaska, Native cultural diversity is a hallmark of the state."

okay... hands up all those who have been saying "thing-let".

When I was in Wellington the other week [TUANZ Finalist, always a bridesmaid never a bride *fluffs peach satin ruffles and rearranges my singapore orchids*] I had dinner with my colleague Rosie and two clients, one of whom told us of her travels, which included Alaska.

We talked about the landscape, the people, and the art of the many different peoples who live in Alaska. It reminded me of a site I stumbled across last year, and Rob helped to Google it [cos I suck at searching for *anything* - have you seen the missing partner for this sock?].

The masks on this site ["Our Way of Making Prayer" - Yup'ik Masks] stunned me - they are so beautiful, so full of character and feeling. I would love to somehow use the images on this site in a quilt - but I'm about 17 quilts behind so that'll never happen. It's a thought that counts though.

Dear Diary, On days I'm

Dear Diary,

On days I'm not sleeping studying hard for exams (or going to church or some-other-wholesome-thing) with kv, we are playing here.

This morning I was reading about jellyfish. In particular, the highly toxic box jellyfish. Interesting that this site [Survive Outdoors] says Unless treated immediately, a sting from a box jellyfish is lethal. " because in New Scientist it states there is no anti-venin as yet to treat anyone who has been stung. Basically, if you are stung an Irukandji, you might die and if you brush up against the family member called Chironex fleckeri you *will* die. This site [CSL Box Jellyfish Antivenom] says there is an antivenin.

Why do jelly fish get my attention? because of the stories of a) the impact on tourism that these all-year-round deadly-stingers might have (leading to a conspiricy theory around why information and attributed deaths might be being supressed - ok i made that part up) b) the explosion of jellyfish populations in the oceans due to the sharp decrease in shark numbers and c) that they're not jellyfish at all and have really cool characteristics that put them on a different evolutionary track to their dumb brainless directionless cousins.

*only bothers to tackle (c)*
Lets start with their eyes - they have 24 of them, arranged in clusters of six on the sides of their cuboid (aka boxlike) body - two types of eye per cluster: four simple "pits" (basic light-sensing organs) and two sophisticated eyes with retina, lenses and corneas (detailed colour images). They need these very keen eyes to spot fish - their food source. Amazingly enough - these box jelly fish don't have a brain, but do have bundles of nerves with each cluster of eyes which, scientists suggest, process the information the eyes gather.

The box jellyfish differ in many ways from your garden variety jellyfish in that they actively hunt food. They have directional movement and have been seen to navigate obsticles to get to their prey. This is unlike other species of jelly fish which pulse their bodies to move up and down in the water hoping to bump into something they can sting and eat. The box jellyfish hunt fish and have been seen with half digested fish flesh within their body cavity.

Interesting, aren't they? The most interesting thing about box jellyfish, is that they sleep during the night-time hours. They rest on the seafloor until the sun rises then they're off hunting fish again.

FYI
an·ti·ven·in n.
- An antitoxin active against the venom of a snake, spider, or other venomous animal or insect.
- An animal serum containing antivenins. It is used in medicine to treat poisoning caused by animal or insect venom.
an·ti·ven·om n.
A medication that contains an antibody, specific to a toxin, for the purpose of deactivating its harmful effect.

Is this why Jonathan

Is this why Jonathan asked me if I was going to the Awards? I had *no* idea. Seems I'm not the only one either, norightturn [When did that happen] seems as flabbergasted as I am.

I wish I'd fixed all those broken images and links and written something half-way-decent recently.

Thankyou, Team 'Jar. Thankyou to people who voted. Thankyou NetGuide for giving me a Sunday-afternoon-heartattack.

oops did i say that

oops did i say that out loud

p.s. look out

Dear Michelle, Just a quick

Dear Michelle,

Just a quick note to say thank you for putting your recent archives in the sidebar over there *waves vaguely in a leftward direction*.

It's dreadfully quiet and lonely here this afternoon. There's nothing like reading the gentle waves of the same old, same old to cheer me up.

Clayton complimented our 'big office.' I think we should start a campaign to get him set up on a computer in here. To be perfectly frank.

Get better.

Love,

Rosie

"You're either SWAT - or

"You're either SWAT - or you're not." Glad we passed on The Matrix - Revolutions today in favour of Colin Farrell in Tactical Ops Gear. Ok, so he can't keep his mouth shut when he breathes (or thinks, for that matter), and he always looks startled from opening his eyes too wide all the time, and he's not a very good actor in the whole scheme of things but he has great eyebrows and a nice bum.

Actually.. LL Cool J was nicer looking.

as was Samual L Jackson.

Weird to come out of the theatre to rain. Weird rain too, really wet rain. The kind of rain you'd expect from a hose rather than a cloud.

I woke up exhausted this morning - how a person can sleep so long and still be tired - hopeless. I'm hanging out for Christmas - time off work and soaking up some sun, somehwhere, don't care, anywhere. After picking up David and his bird and Simon and his bird then dropping off the later to then take the former with me on my errands. Paid bills and bought a few Christmas presents and ate lunch we finished the day off with a trip to the movies (see above).

"Inside every chicken, there's a hero trying to escape" The Colgate Special Feature is Chicken Run and I'm gonna try not to fall asleep in front of it.

You said 'masticated.'

You said 'masticated.'

Speaking to Men - Rule

Speaking to Men - Rule 17

When a man comes to you at lunchtime and asks if you'd like anything to eat, don't open your mouth to show him, in all its graphic glory, the half masticated muffin you've just shoved in your mouth as proof that you do not, in fact, require any food at this time.

Criteria for Style I know

Criteria for Style

I know a woman who is the epitome of style - in my opinion. She's not a slave to fashion, but knows how to adapt it to suit her individual style. She always looks wonderful and is, so far, the only woman I've seen who can carry off that assymetric-cut look.

She is often now the benchmark of decisions I make when purchasing - So today when I decided to buy myself a piece of jewellery, when presented with a wide choice I asked myself "how beverlyculpepper is this?" which narrowed down the choice until the answer was "very beverlyculpepper" [VBCP] so I bought it.

Maybe it's like "what would Jesus do" (WWJD) but for style.

WWBCD?

Some Irishman (who doesn't

Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:  How's your novel not going? Michelle says:    you and i are the only ones who read this damned site, JJ Michelle says:    oo my laptop's ready to be picked up Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    rubbish - we are widely read - I get fan mail Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    really? Now that IS an unexpected plot twist! Michelle says:    you a) get mail and b) from fans? Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    you're a) funny and b) shut up Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    Did I tell you my rude joke? Michelle says:    no *all ears... like dumbo.. but pinker* Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    did you hear about the woman with no arms and no legs who won the strawberry picking contest? Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    Jammy cunt Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    Umm, mish? Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    The "Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) " is all very good - apart from the "you and i are the only ones who read this damned site, JJ" Michelle says:    *deletes all that cos its rubbish* i should abed Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    abed? Michelle says:    tequilamockingbird saw eddie izzard the other night Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    You have to use that word in your novel that you're not writing - it'd not be the same without not putting it in Michelle says:    and you should read tailorstoday.com cos he's funny Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    oooooooo - what'd she think? Michelle says:    she wants him Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    (we're going 23rd December) Michelle says:    as we all do Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    I will Michelle says:    that's the spirit Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says: and don't forget - no novel that wasn't written was ever as good as the novel you're not writing right now Michelle says:    *weeps with joy Michelle says:    thankyou Some Irishman (who doesn't wish to be identified) says:    That's ok *doesn't award you the booker prize for the novel you haven't written* ****Please Note: This has been taken out of context, edited badly with a blunt machete in the wilds of Borneo and bares little resemblence to the original MSN conversation. It is highly likely to be a cringing moment for a certain Irishman who is at this very moment a) tsking and b) mishmishmishing but I keep these words because they_make_me_laugh_ even if they only make you wonder/worry/wander-off.

Is it wrong to just

Is it wrong to just post for the sake of it, even when you've got nothing to say really, just because you feel a bit bad that you haven't in a while?

Plenty of stuff has pissed me off recently, so I could rant. Plenty of stuff has put a huge grin on my face recently, so I could gush. Plently of stuff that should have done one or the other has done neither, so I could introspect about my ever changing view of the world...

But mostly I've just been sleeping badly for a couple of nights and I'm too tired to even close my mouth properly *dribble*

We had twins by the way. Tilly and Bisley. I say twins - really they're a brother and sister from a litter of nine burmillas. They're fantastic fun, and the rabbit seems to have taken it all in his (not inconsiderable) stride/hop.