The Jamjar

its five past seven and

its five past seven
and I'm still at work
trapped by a project
and last minute changes

please he lp me

Mish: I saw Mars last

Mish: I saw Mars last night.
Rosie: I saw a Mars bar last night!
Mish: you win.

[tequilamockingbirddotcom] my friend: so, how’s

[tequilamockingbirddotcom]
my friend: so, how’s the shirt working?
me: oh, it’s golden. this shirt? like a flame to a moth. like honey to a bee. like…water to a duck.
[/tequilamockingbirddotcom]

A long time ago

A long time ago - so long ago now I forget how many years between November 1984 and February 1985 - I drove to Hamilton to their lovely city gallery Auckland City Art Gallery, and saw the most wonderous chalk sketches by Leonardo DaVinci. So many of these yellowed, aged papers with the softest chalk marks of sepia and white describing the water and leaves and muscles. I fell in love with Master DaVinci then and there and have loved his work ever since. It has a softness, and a confidence - an authority you just don't see in his contemporary's works. Michaelangelo has a harsh edginess about him. Leonardo didn't paint all that many works, you know. In fact, he was notorious for not finishing stuff. I guess his motivations were elsewhere and I can sort of understand that. On the news today there is a story of one of his works being stolen from a castle in Scotland. There are several copies of this work, done by Da Vinci and/or his students - he often had students finish his work, which was pretty much how artists worked in those days and so its difficult for historians to tell which Da Vinci did and did not paint some of the time. The images they showed on television of the work differ from those they show online. The one on tv is a copy of the work with a blue, inhospitable snow topped mountain range behind the mother and child. The image on the BBC webside is of the greener, softer version with the land gently sloping to the sea. The yarn winder in the painting symbolises Christ's future suffering and death, and Mary (Madonna) seemingly pulling her child away from the yarnwinder as if she can save him from his fate.

oh yeh, and Mars.
It's closer to Earth than it's been since September 12, 57,617 BC. In fact, around 9pm last night, NZ time, the Earth and Mars were only 56 million kilometres (35 million miles) apart and that's really closest they ever get! We're actually playing piggy-in-the-middle with the Sun and Mars - as the Sun sets, Mars rises. Check out the Stardome's website for all you ever wanted to know about viewing Mars in your socks.

You'd better get out there and see what you can see, because there won't be another close approach for 284 years.

PS: I saw Mars, just now *watch check* 8:30pm.. and it was right where it was supposed to be, not blinking like a constant unnatural (though the most natural thing out of this world) light, heavy and warm in the sky. But it looks like a star, not like some long lost orbiting jaffa or anything.

hyperventilating breathing into a brown

hyperventilating

breathing into

a brown paper bag

TXT TING WEDNESDAY m -

TXT TING WEDNESDAY

m - r u lunch ing in town today?
J - yes
m - are you meeting someone nice or do you want to eat curry with me?
j - you
m - YAY!

m - you know, you *could* use your mouse with your other hand
c - I *could* but why would I?
m - because *I* miss you?
c - ok, well maybe I will be in next week
m - I'm away next week
c - bugger

...and a "colouring in" section.

...and a "colouring in" section. Don't forget the colouring in!

I got mail. I never

I got mail. I never get mail. I get emails, and attachments, and CDs but never real-live-mail - and from the University of Auckland no less. Figured it must've been some snail spam from a mailing list or something. But no, its a copy of the article written by Todd's partner, with my illustrations. She acknowledged me in the credits too. This makes me smile. I know I was *kinda* published with Marshall's book, but now this is *really* published, in a University Journal. Add that to the cover I designed for a workbook for Transpower yesterday, and the workbooks I've mocked up for projects lately, and I think I'll have to add a "print" section to my portfolio.

I spent a nice

I spent a nice hour this afternoon colouring-in one of Klie's drawings. I feel a bit guilty that I grounded his fantastically imaginative work with a typical landscape; but by joves, I had a nice time.
Thankyouklie.

Fernando Alonso, Hungarian Grand Prix

Fernando Alonso, Hungarian Grand Prix winner - history today:

• youngest ever Grand Prix winner
• first Spaniard
• first win for Renault for 20 years.

A Movie-going-experience in 3 Acts.

A Movie-going-experience in 3 Acts.

ACT ONE - a movie theatre, the beginning of a film.

Mish: oh crap, we forgot to buy icecream.
David: I *told* you to buy it *before*
Mish: i know but you were eating that cookie.
[lights begin to dim]
David: do you know what L.E.G. stands for?
Mish: no, what?
David: a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Mish: ahh.

ACT TWO - a darkened movie theatre, half way through the movie

David: why are we here, again?
Mish: because Simon said this movie "kicked ass"
David: ahh.

ACT THREE - a lightened movie theatre with throngs of people exiting up the centre aisle

David: they had better not be making a sequel. do you know what L.E.G stands for? League of the Extremely Ghey
Mish: that sucked, why did we see this movie?
David: because Simon said it "kicked ass"
Mish: more like it smells like it came *from* his ass
David: can we go home and kick his ass?
Mish: yeh, lets.

THE END

Larry the Lobster and Sam

Larry the Lobster and Sam Crab were some fantastic musicians on the disco circuit. They jammed for many years till one night, after a gig and a few beers, they stepped out of a club and were run down and killed by a Mack truck. Larry the Lobster goes to heaven and Sam Crab goes to hell.
One day Larry says to St. Peter, "I sure miss my old buddy Sam, I hear he has his own disco down there. Do you think I could go visit him and jam some, just one more time?" St. Peter says, "I think you can have a one time, one-evening pass to Hell to jam with Sam Crab."

"I left my harp in Sam Crab's Disco."

Footloose Grant: so, whatcha got

Footloose

Grant: so, whatcha got planned for the weekend?
Mish: workin'
Grant: ah, its a tough life being a superstar.

Mish: hey my cd hasn't

Mish: hey my cd hasn't come yet
Mish: my book from amazon came and i ordered it *after* my cd
klie: dude you live on the other side of the planet
Mish: oh. yeh.
klie: i don't know complain to the people it seems to motivate them to action
Mish: is it coming by DONKEY?
klie: water buffalo
Mish: how exotic
klie: with a little mexican jockey riding it
Mish: so something to listen to AND something to shag. what delightful customer service
klie: now you leave the water buffalo alone you prevert

teardrop on the fi are

teardrop on the fi are
feh thers on mah bre eh eth

Who the heck invented umbrellas?

Who the heck invented umbrellas? They are the most useless items against anything but a mild misty shower. I think it's just as effective to walk around holding a large flat sheet of board in front of you - you still can't see anything, you'll still get soaking wet, but at least a board won't turn insideout and threaten to Mary Poppins you across the Tasman Sea!!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Warning! The following statements may pop into your head with annoying frequency in the coming week: "Nobody sees me for who I really am." "Life is a bitch." "Sooner or later, everyone will find out how I've been faking it all these years." "I'll never have enough money." "I'm afraid to change even when I know the change will be good." Now listen closely, Aries: All those ideas are dirty lies. I don't believe in the devil, but if I did I'd say it was he who planted them in your mind. How can you fight back? Wage a ferocious campaign of positive self-talk. Barrage yourself with uplifting affirmations like these: "I face my fears with joyous courage." "I turn apparent setbacks into juicy opportunities." "I answer every criticism with a vow to be my best." "I am an amazingly gorgeous genius with unimaginable tricks up my sleeve."

Its a Very Curry Wednesday.

Its a Very Curry Wednesday.

Raining in Auckland today, with a cold underbite freezing any nether regions it can get its flurries around. My coat is mid-length, but as the coloured water is to chalk - it *does* get in, Mrs Marsh. brr.

*this is a note-to-self so

*this is a note-to-self so others don't have to*

I say inappropriate stuff all the time. It's deliberate, responsive, usually funny, sometimes outragious.

Sometimes, I say stuff in an inappropriate way because I'm tired and unguarded. Mostly, I try to curb that. Yesterday, I didn't.

It doesn't matter how casual/personal/passionate you are about what you do for a living, in the end it's a job, and you have an employer, and they can hire ten of you tomorrow if they decided to. It also doesn't matter how much you think there isn't a hierachy either - there is - and you aren't anywhere near the top. Don't forget that. Remember to abide by the processes, sit in your org chart box at the bottom of the page and keep your trap shut.

Simon: your parcel came Michelle:

Simon: your parcel came
Michelle: which one?
Simon: amaazon box
Michelle: *gasp* YAY
Simon: should i open it
Michelle: yay yay its "Actionscript Cook book"..ah.. it wont mean much to you but you can if you want
Simon: «rips to bits»
Michelle: be CAREFUL
Simon: «drops on all 8 corners of book, bends spine, tears cover rips out page 108, 72, and the numbers from page 124 to 145»
Michelle: you little prick!

Rosie "I'll be back later

Rosie "I'll be back later with my rant on applicator tampons"

Rubber Bulletin says:    johnny Depp

Rubber Bulletin says:
   johnny Depp - 40 years old

Rubber Bulletin says:

   son

Rubber Bulletin says:
   of

Rubber Bulletin says:
   a

Rubber Bulletin says:
   bitch

100 things? 1. I need

100 things?

1. I need a hair cut?
2. I love the internet?
3. I wear glasses?
4. I can go a long time without talking to you?
5. I start most paragraphs with the word "I" even when I'm not doing a 100 things list?
6. I like some words more than others - a couple of my favourites being "shrub" and "concatenate"?
7. Everyday I travel to and from work by Ferry?
8. Sometimes I catch a connecting bus but sometimes I walk?
9. Drawing is something I have become quite good at?
10. Making stuff is what I love doing best of all?
11. Rosie sits by me at work?
12. I have trouble transitioning between PC and Mac when I get home from work?
13. I like fudge better than chocolate?
14. I like white things best of all? like marshmellow and pavlova - both at the same time is what heaven is like?
15. I like to talk about sex?
16. Going to the Movies is something I like to do at least once a week?
17. I like music but only the music I like?
18. At the end of the day I enjoy quiet?
19. Some people online think I'm a boy?
20. I still haven't figured out what I want to do when I grow up?
21. I spend 45% of my energy every day suppressing inappropriate comments?
22. I am a big fat chicken?
23. If you require an excuse not to do/to do something, I'm your man?
24. I'm always up for a beer after work?
25. I love pubs?
26. I love talking about sex to guys in pubs? (they seem to not mind that much either)(?)
27. I've met a lot of the people I chat with online?
28. I used to be a chat addict, but now I'm in recovery?
29. I think "admitting you have a problem is half the battle" is a stupid saying?
30. My MSN login name is ajamjar@hotmail.com?
31. I have/have had ICQ, MSN, AIM, IM, iChat, Netmeeting, HTML chat rooms, email, smoke signals, sign language?
32. ahem?
33. I like the Lazy Sunday complilation disks?
34. I am very slow on web trends?
35. I love fiddling around with things I shouldn't?
36. I miss making quilts?
37. I love buying plastic containers?
38. My favourite thing is to buy books through Amazon dot com?
39. I am a cockateil whisperer?
40. My voice can carry over vast distances?
41. I can sing?
42. Sometimes I have an overwhelming urge to attend church?
43. I wish I was more disciplined?
44. I need to find someone who will pay me to do what I want?
45. I prefer the architectually strong garden plants?
46. I get grumpy at people who think white is not a colour?
47. Some years ago I began listening to my intuition?
48. I could drive for the rest of my life?
49. I like to swim?
50. but my ears don't?
51. I get motion sickness on boats, in cars, in trains, on the wharf, watching rugby on tv?
52. I don't have the patience for golf?
53. or fools?
54. I think there's a hedgehog in my garden?
55. When I was little my hair was white and straight?
56. My eyes are grey blue?
57. Monday night is my favourite tv night?
58. I have traveled overseas?
59. My father died when I was young?
60. I went to boarding school?
61. I love to study?
62. I was born in 1963?
63. I was a stupid bride?
64. I much prefer being me now?
65. I talk with my toes?
66. Vodka is my preferred spirit, but mostly I drink beer?
67. I like to draw nude women?
68. I like to draw nude women by dipping a kebab stick into Indian ink?
69. I like to draw nude women by dipping a kebab stick into Indian ink and moving very quickly?
70. I love to laugh?
71. Not many people can make me laugh?
72. People can make me laugh by tickling me?
73. I was told once you can’t be tickled by someone you don’t like?
74. I was a virgin until I met you?
75. I sometimes fib about being a virgin?
76. I love my bed?
77. I know Rosie eats worms?
78. I think Gordon Harris is THE very best shop in the entire city?
79. I have great taste in good friends?
80. I had buckled shoes til I was 11 because I couldn’t learn to tie laces?
81. I am a slow learner?
82. I believe that all learning is worth learning?
83. I am wise?
84. I am stupid?
85. I am afraid of the dark?
86. and deep water?
87. and falling?
88. I take decent photographs?
89. I can find fault in anything?
90. I can’t talk to men I find attractive?
91. If I’m talking to you, you’re safe?
92. If I’m not talking to you you’re also safe?
93. I don’t have enough books?
94. I read my first Harry Potter book last month?
95. Sometimes, I’m louder than I need to be?
96. I have good intentions, even when I’m a jerk.
97. I try to tell you I love you everytime I think of it?
98. I have my hair cut like a boys?
99. No one else can do it right?
100. Sometimes, I’m just inexcusably sloppy.

Born in New Zealand so I always end my sentences with an upward inclination?

so funny - on Australian

so funny - on Australian Idol last night, host James Mathison claimed the show was "bigger than a Federal Erection."

its really dark in the

its really dark in the stair well at work
at night when you stay late
after you've been to the bathroom
and the security guard locks the door
and you can't get back out
gingerly stepping hand rail holding

suckage

I felt stupid
and a little nervous [can you say "afraid of the dark"]
but James said its happened to him too
so either that makes me feel better
or i'm as dumb as James.

Deciding to bludge CDs from

Deciding to bludge CDs from Serious Espresso to introduce my ears to new sounds - I snaffled three, to get back to work and find two of the cases are empty. Ah, well - I'll go back tomorrow for another raid. Listening to something called "Luck Be A Weirdo Tonight".

..and now I need to brush my teeth.

Oh, I was going to say: I don't believe computers should be in schools. Especially not in Primary [Elementary] Schools and not in Secondary Schools until the 6th Form. Why? because I think they are a financial drain and a diversion from other skills. I believe anyone can pick up on computer skills in a short amount of time so a course later in school life is all that is needed. Plus, kids who are interested in computers usually have them at home and are literate anyway. The cost of computers in school defere money away from sports equipment, core subjects budgets and fool parents into thinking their kids are getting a good education because there is x number of computers in the class room. Sitting in front of a computer doesn't mean you're working and it sure in hell doesn't mean you're learning either.

We went in search of

We went in search of curry, and coffee and 3mm single hole punches. They're fairly elusive, you see. Not the formers, but the later. In the olden days, when bus drives clipped your ticket, the hole patterned or otherwise, was a neat 3mm. Since the advent of mechanically printed and dispensed tickets, the need to clip has gone by the wayside, and so too have all the bus clipping devices. (someone somewhere'll have a box full of the suckers under their bed).

James and I started at the top of our list, and went to Downtown and ate curry. *crossed that off the list* Re-prioritising as need be, we moved the "coffee" part of our plan down one notch and the "3mm single hole punch" up to second position. Upwards to the Warehouse Stationery to find they, too, had an abundance of 6mm single hole punches along with a plethora of decorative 6 mm hole punches but alas alack, no 3mm single hole punches. James, ever the ideas man, decided we needed to ask a ferryman, becauseyou see, ferrymen clip tickets. So in the bleak and rain and bluster, we squinted our way umbrellaless through the precipitation to the Ferry Terminal and explained to a bewildered pastey girl (ok she had that northern alabaster complextion but for now we'll just say it was pastey) who didn't seem to be following the conversation. Her colleague was extra helpful, phoning his manager who was the main purchaser of said clippers and she gave him and subsequently he gave us, the names of two possible suppliers. So James' trail for 3mm single hole punches is still warm enough to follow.

So on to the final item on our list and it was up to Serious Espresso for coffee. A pretty decent lunchtime all-around.

My wonderful cousin Suzi

My wonderful cousin Suzi sent me this picture. I am amazed I actually recognised/remembered nearly everyone in it - mostly because they still look the same, I think! Mum helped out on the boys-down-the-front. So..

from left-right, backrow: Suzi Park, Maree Chalker, me, Terry Chalker.
from left-right, middle row: Debbie Chalker, Warren Harvey, Sharon Hart, Michael and Steven Devereaux.
right in the front with the blue overalls, Wendy Harvey.
the little blonde boy in the sailor suit to the right is my brother Wayne

The Chalkers and Suzi are my cousins, Warren and Wendy Harvey lived next door (Warren called me "fat face" when I had the mumps), Sharon Hart lived across the road, the Devereaux kitchen caught fire and nearly burned their whole house down.

This must've been a wonderful day for me, because I still have slivers of memory about it. About my tartin skirt which felt scratchy on my legs. About my wonderful farmyard cake with pink pigs and fences on its smooth white icing. Of a smell, which I've always smelled since when sniffing around new plastic dolls.

Hey Delany? haha.. you look like me!

Thanks Suzi, you rock.

dearest heart, today, after many

dearest heart,

today, after many weeks of forgetting, i finally joined the library. I am so pleased and excited that I've decided to spend my Friday evening there. Please do not lament you fail to see me for the next few hours, for it is there, amongst the tomes of knowledge that I wander. Wish me well, fair heart, and know that although I love you - I love the library more.

your dearest Love,
michelle.

I'm not sure you understand

I'm not sure you understand about last night. Eddie Izzard has a way about him. Well yes of course being a transvestite is a way but it wasn't that, in fact, it was never that. The thing is, I wanted Eddie to like me. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted him to pick me from all the others because I was his favourite. Now, how the hell did he *do* that from all the way down there on the stage? I wanted to meet him afterwards for a drink and say "great show, Ed, that one about the greyhounds slighed me, man." I wanted him to know I thought he looked beautiful and that he had great legs. I wanted to write my name with his surname on my pencil case and dot the i's with hearts - that's a special superpower if ever I saw one. Eddie Izzard takes you gently in his cupped hands, and tickles you under your chin and kanoodles you along with good humour and good observation and with unabiding confidence and you feel safe and you feel great affection and you want him to LIKE you.

That, Eddie, is the best superhero power *ever*. Thanks for a great night - especially the parts where I was doubled-over and screaming with laughter, slapping my knee and scaring the living daylights out of that poor sod in front of me.

Last night I went to

Last night I went to see Eddie Izzard. His new show is called "SEXIE" but it might as well have been called "A Lovely Evening With Eddie". Not that I'm bagging it - it was great - I laughed and loved the whole evening. What I mean to say is, he exhibits such a natural fidgetty presence, he could well have been in your lounge having been invited over for a dinner party. Funny, intelligent, chatty loosely connected topic from a really quick-witted friend who brought two bottles of red wine. I especially (and they're not going to be funny to you but they make me smile) liked his "notes to self" you've lost them all now, and must do more research and my personal favourite That's a completely true story - except for the lies.

And then I did some stuff and then I went home to bed. I dreamed Marshall dreams all night. I dreamed it was Friday, and he said I had to make "25,000 images by Monday" I dreamed I stormed into his office saying this was "so unfair" and impossible, and he just said "we have to do what we can do". Funny, now, thinking about the "we" part of that - when he said "we" he meant me.

My ferry broke down this morning. I was dozing and woke as the engine slowed and I blinked awake knowing we must be near the wharf and nearly time to disembark. As I blinked and focussed, I realised how far away from the Ferry Wharf was. We were, in fact, still in the middle of the Harbour. I realised, as my fellow passengers did, that we'd broken down and were drifting. The sounds of the engine trying to engage into a forward motion continued for quite sometime. I heard a distinctly New Zealand voice on the radio telephone on the bridge of the ferry say "I heard you fullas've broken down". After a while, cellphones began to ring around the cabin with people wondering where the "ferry people" had got to. We limped towards the wharf, trying to avoid the Devonport ferry and other craft making it to an "emergency disembarkment" at the Hilton because we just couldn't make it to the normal Ferry Landing.

Marshall "what are you procrastinating about now?"
Michelle "I'm not procrastinating, I'm working!"
Marshall "Jeeze! caught you at a bad time!"

Get your hand the hell off my ovaries!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Fifty

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Fifty years ago prophets believed we'd all be working no more than 32 hours a week by now. Some predicted we'd have as many as 220 days off a year, devoting just 145 to earning our daily bread. What went wrong? Most of us are putting in more hard labor than our grandparents did. But if you want to be faithful to current astrological mandates, Aries, you will spend the next few weeks doing everything you can to bring your life into closer alignment with the old prophecy. The naked fact of the matter is that you need more playtime.

You know, I'd *really* love

You know, I'd *really* love a new iBook, or even better - a G4 Powerbook. I thought I'd go take a look over at Totally Mac to see what they have in stock and how much they cost. Too-tooing around, logged in and put the item into my cart too see if, when I got to the next screen, there were any finance options on that item. There didn't seem to be, only the ability to enter your credit card details. I didn't put my credit card details into the form but pressed thru to the next screen. Nothing happened so I clicked out of the browser and went on with my work.

I got mail. Mail thanking me for my $4719.38 order and my Powerbook G4 867Mhz 15" Combo (DVD/CD-RW) will be shipped/delivered tomorrow.

ahh.. this *will* be interesting.

Dear Michelle,