The Jamjar

operator: Hi, thanks for

operator: Hi, thanks for calling Telecom, you're speaking
with Justin.

useless: Hi, Justin, my name is Michelle and I need your
help. [impressed by his lovely voice]
operator: *soft laugh*
What can I do to help, Michelle?

useless: I need to disconnect the phone at my flat.

operator: Well that's something I can easily help you with:
can I have your account number please?

useless: well, see,
this is where it starts becoming difficult: I've put everything
into storage and although I did keep important things like account
numbers out so I could do this, they somehow got packed in the end
too.

operator: that's okay too, I just need your phone number.

useless: and then that's the next problem: I'm so terrible
with numbers I never did learn it. I usually just ask Duana at work
because she knows it but she's on Waiheke so can't hear me from
here. see? I really need help.

operator: *laughs* okay, Michelle. I can still help. What
was the address? [he has a great laugh]

useless: [insert
address here]

operator: *tappity tap tap* okay Michelle, does [phone number]
sound familiar?

useless: *excited* yes yes it does that's my phone number!!


operator: *hearty laugh* well that's you, now just to confirm
it *is* actually you, I'm going to ask you a few questions about
your account. mmm.. let me see .. did you ahhh.. make a lot of toll
calls?
useless: ahh [trying to remember.. have I called
Australia recently? the States? ahhh.. *mind goes blank*] ahh..
i phoned a cellphone a lot.. mostlyyy just the one numberrrr maybeee
but I don't know it to tell you.

operator: *softly laughs again* what was your date of birth,
Michelle?

useless: now THAT I *do* know! 26 March [I'm not putting
the year in here]

operator: and what's your middle Initial?

useless: we're on a roll! I know this one too! Eff.... Eff
for Frances. It's my mother's name.

operator: *smiling voice* okay Michelle when do you want us
to disconnect this phone?

useless: As soon as possible please.. see , I moved out
weeks ago and because of the trauma associated with not knowing
my phone number it's taken me this long to do so as soon as you
can do it is fine and I understand it's Christmas Eve and all that
jazz so asap without any hassle would be great.

operator: No problems Michelle, we can do that for you. Do
you have a number we can contact you on if we run into any difficulties.

useless: ah.. yes.. this one.. but.. I don't know what it
is!

operator: *laughs* it's okay, I do.

useless: you do? oh could you tell me so I can write it
down? I have to phone Mercury Energy next and they're bound to ask
me that very same question.

operaor: [insert number recital and laughs in here]

useless: thankyou so much, Justin!

operator: You are very welcome, Michelle, it's been a pleasure.
Merry Christmas.

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I have a tummy ache.

I have a tummy ache. I seem to have had one since yesterday.. in fact, I'd go as far as to suggest I'm not very well. An early start to my day - dropped Sonia off at the airport this morning and meandered in by 7:30am. First order of business? blog!

Except, I don't have anything to say.

I could add to the Friday Night post by telling you about the Jeweller who hit on Duana and was scared off when it became apparent she was my betrothed lover with a soft spot for teletubbies - I forgot all about him til I found his business card in my pocket on Saturday - but I won't. I could tell you you should avoid any clump or group of shops at this time of the year, but you - unlike me - already know this. I could tell you how I turned into a petulent 12 year old on Saturday evening when Greg had me help him buy MY favourite digital camera for himself for christmas, but then you might find out how unreasonable I can be at times, especially when I'm tired.

Mostly I have nothing to say.

Michelle says to Steve2: *blinking* two more sleeps
Steve2 says to Michelle: until...?
Michelle says to Steve2: santa comes
Steve2 says to Michelle: oh, xmas.
Steve2 says to Michelle: man if i found some guy in a jumpsuit with a sack over his shoulder full of undisclosed items roaming around my house at 2am, i'd beat him to a pulp - no questions asked.
Michelle says to Steve2: *talking to du...
Steve2 says to Michelle: i was talking to a toilet paper dispenser the other night, and it spoke back to me.

Steve suggested this Bear Test and I enjoyed it - you might too. Don't look at my results until after you do the test.

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Yesterday's entry pretty much summed

Yesterday's entry pretty much summed up my day - apart from the marketing brainstorming session we had before lunch - Friday was not a very productive day for me in the office. We broke at 4:30pm or so and did our Secret Santa gifts. For anyone who doesn't know, Secret Santa is where you draw a name and buy that person a gift anonymously. In our workplace, the budget is $5 and you're expected to write a poem or story about the person. There is actually a lot of work involved in Secret Santa, if it's done right, and it's nearly always humourous based about something you've done, or do, or say - making it quite personal.

The highlight of our Secret Santa last night was the final gift to be presented. Rosie had drawn Marshall's name and had been thinking of all sorts of things she could do but came up with the perfect plan the day before, and made him a set of flags and a flag holder that stood on his desk. Marshall is all about "raising flags" and so the green, yellow and red flags made from corrugated card and pencils made him laugh and he was so pleased to receive it. Funny sidebar was that a couple of people there who believed it was a 'purchased' gift and that somehow made things even funnier. I'll try to remember to grab a photograph of them on Monday so you can see how clever Ms Rosie is.

After the giggling and the opening of gifts, we meandered downstairs to a prearranged "nibbles and wine" at r'ce. Seated at a long bar/table we were treated to the most wonderful food - snapper in lime and chillies, aubergine dumplings, tempura squid - it was so delicious and wonderful to eat with chopsticks and sip champagne. Everyone was chattering about all sorts of things, Marshall and Rosie and I were at one end of the table and chit chatted about a couple of things then "drilled down into work" our favourite subject. Chris came in for a drink and I was pleased to see him, mostly because I usually am but partly because it intrigued my boss somewhat that a man had joined our party who was not of our party and appeared to be with me. She asked Rosie if he was my partner, and I think I remember Rosie saying "no, only on a casual basis" which was pretty funny.

Everyone left for ferries and homes. Chris and Duana and I saw Rosie up to the bus stop and then we three toodled down to the Provodore for more wine and 80s music. We tried to turn the barman into a frog and failed (we were fairywinged and wand'd) so bought him a shot instead. Drinking sparkling wine and singing madly, the evening was really good. Chris left Du and I to wait out the last 20 minutes to our respective Ferries and we yelled fond farewells across the wharves. I took my fairy back to Pakuranga and walked the 45 minutes, drunked (well.. tiddly drunked not driving) with hiccups to Gregs place and slept here (where i'm blogging from) the night. My car is still in town and I'll go back in to pick it up as soon as Greg gets home from work.

I had a really nice time last night.

Now if I could just manage toast without burning it that would be great.
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Oh my goodness. I'd pay

Oh my goodness. I'd pay $13 just to see Legolas jump on that horse again! Last night we clapped, and yahoo'd and squealed and generally had a great time watching the second installment of Lord of the Rings: Two Towers. The movie is huge.. i mean HUGE ! it's just so HUGE !! and Gollum is just.. amazing. Legolas kicks ass, that elf can move and fight and has less than a dozen lines and Orlando Bloom, bless him, couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag if "Acting for Dummies - Elven Language Edition" was on the inside but my goodness he is beautiful and he can string a bow. Arragorn is beautiful and dependable and I want him badly. and goodly. and anyway.

This movie rocks.
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sorry Kayla and 'Lan.. why

sorry Kayla and 'Lan.. why don't I have any snaps of you two on my camera? I'll just have to come down and get again and get some.. your sister sure likes to hog the spotlight.
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I was wondering what all

I was wondering what all the police cars and traffic diversion and fire trucks were doing, not to mention the sea of highly visible workmen clumped across the road after being evacuated from the site. I saw lots of things happening on the way to work this morning: Construction site accident, Royal (the Prince of Japan or the Japanese Prince or something or other) Cavalcade (well, not strictly a cavalcade as it wasn't so much a display and there were no horses) leaving (lots of screaming Japanese girls.. well okay.. like.. seven.. and five were waving and the other two were smiling and thinking about waving) the Stamford Plaza (they waved as they went past like they were Royal.. that back hand slow wave thing) escorted by all the rest of the police who weren't helping the poor men who fell during the construction accident, and a news item that has to be read to be believed.

Everyone is Christmas shopping and I don't have one single urge to do so. Not one. Nada. Ziltch. It feels like June.. or February.. or October or anyother time of year it most certainly does not feel like December let alone two weeks until Christmas.

[I watched You Have Mail with Meg "I-can't-stand-her-cute-but-bewildered-look-and-mindless-ramblings" Ryan and Tom "oh-my-god-he-should-have-stayed-on-that-Island-with-Wilson" Hanks last night, and watching them typing their emails, it was SO wrong.. don't they know enough to know that you don't type an email tappity tap tappity tap tap tap tappity tap head tilt tappity tap smile tilt head other way tappity tap tap tap at all.. a *real* emailer is more along the lines of tappity tap delete tap delete delete tappity tap tap tap delete delete deletedeletedelete tap tap square bracket delete backspace tappity tap. Research people.. RESEARCH!!]
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I parked and David sat

I parked and David sat in the car while I went into the Cinema. It was fairly quiet, and I walked up to the counter to ask my question. "Are you selling Lord of the Rings The Two Towers tickets yet and if so which sessions are available" "sure," she said and started pressing her keypad and reading the screen "if you're really keen, there is the midnight session on Dec 18/19th.." I lowered my voice and leaned across the counter and in the most Lord of the Rings MorDor voice I said "I AM VERY KEEN" So now we have tickets and will go sit in the theatre in the deep of the night and fall in love with LOTRs all over again.
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Yes, Rosie and I have

Yes, Rosie and I have been talking about Passion of late. Trying to formulate the sentences to explain our frustration and disappointment and worry. [shall return to this subject soon] in the mean time, from kv (the girl, not the page):

a duck walks into a bar.
"do you got any bread?" he says to the barman.
"no," says the barman, "sorry."
"do you got any bread?" says the duck.
"no, i just told you," says the barman, "this is a bar... we don't have
any bread."
"do you got any bread?" says the duck.
"no," says the barman, getting frustrated. "we don't."
"do you got any bread?" says the duck.
"no we do not have any bread! now git!" says the barman.
"do you got any bread?" says the duck.
"no we don't! stop asking and go away!" says the barman.
"do you got any bread?" says the duck.
"look, duck, if you ask me that one more time, i'm going to nail your
goddam beak to the bar!" says the barman.
"do you got any nails?" says the duck.
"no, for god's sake, we don't have any goddam nails!" shouts the barman.
"do you got any bread?" says the duck.
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"You don't seem to understand,"

"You don't seem to understand," said the duck, "beagles aren't supposed to have wings." The beagle stretched his wings, the feathers softly rustling as he moved. "Danged if I know," he said. The duck waddled over to the window. "Looks like the pond is icing over." Beagle wasn't listening. He was busy lifting his newly formed wings as high as he could. "I wonder if I can fly" he said. The Duck snorted, "of course you can't fly, dogs can't FLY. If you could FLY," continued the duck watching the flurries of snow outside the window, "you wouldn't be a DOG." Duck turned back into the room, looking at the Beagle. The beagle smiled, "these things are *so* cool." The duck tilted his head a little, "yeh, they're all right.

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There is a pecking order

There is a pecking order in families. It's hard to know when you step up a notch, maybe you never do. I spent a few days at home this weekend - I look at the word "home" and wonder what that means to me these days. I've always referred to The Farm as home, but I guess that's changed now there are so few people living there. I think of Greg's place as home too. I don't think of the place I live as home. When Chris has to nag me to "go home" its because I don't really have one any more. I very well may have one soon but I don't have one yet. And haven't had one for a while. Maybe that's why my brother sleeps on people's couches - he doesn't have one either. I must be thinking of Home like a "home base".

Last night I gave notice to my Landlady. I'm on the move again. Packing? thankgoodness I never really unpacked. Looking for a bigger place for less money. *grins* I know, a dime a dozen. Let's see what I can find.

Driving back to Auckland from Waitara, through a thunderstormy Island, going was slow at times. Driving up Otaraoa Road to say goodbye to The Farm People and a lightning strike close to the car. I got a fright and Amy let out a loud "HOLY FUCK" and described the white light/orange firey ball that was too close for comfort. The rate of lightning strikes seems to have gone up in this country, or maybe its just the ability to record them or something. well we can say loudly ONE and verify it connected with the earth.

I'm so excited - the 18th of December is nearly upon us, and we all know what *that* means. I will buy my tickets on Friday. I'll buy two. Want to come?

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From Penny - The Lament

From Penny - The Lament of the Laid Off Contractor (who's next?)

DIARROHEA!!!
I have mountains of it
I have tummy ache
Ache ache ache
Feels like fallopian pain
Aaaaaaaaaaaghhh
Be distressed I’m gone
Be very distressed
Sob and wail
Whence next we meet
Alas
Alack
Verily I say unto you
All will not be delivered
Except
The shit…………..
Wot will I do for $?
How will I feed my children
I could save the shit
Some animals feed their young their shit
And
Its supposed to be good for them
Not sure about that!

Jonathan: "I'm very nearly an arse expert"
Rosie: "You need to watch this again"

Me: according to the advertising, I have the 6 signs of damaged hair and the 7 signs of aging.
David: yeh, you're perfect.
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Monday Morning. Well.. okay.. Monday-After-LunchDavid:

Monday Morning. Well.. okay.. Monday-After-Lunch

David: You know, we don't need an X in the alphabet. The sound it makes can be made with 'cs' like.. Macs, and Ec sit and ec site.
Me: You're right.. like.. Sex could be 'secks'
David: Okay, maybe we do need an X in the alphabet.

The weekend was nice. It started with a knees-up at the Claddagh loosely titled "Aztech Production's Christmas Party". Normally, having only two Aztech staff members show up might suggest the evening was a misfire, but, considering who the two are, they were all that were needed. Talk about Rent-a-Crowd. The highlight of the evening had to be Kyle breakdancing. I didn't even know he could.. I'm still not so sure he can!

Saturday was nice - spent it with David and went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Wow - was that about 15% of the overall budget spent on the House Elf alone? he was simply fabulous. His movements were subtle and fluid and he was worth every single penny. On coming home, we watched the Oprah special on the movie. They kept saying how much scarier it was than the first one.

Me: David? was it scary?
David: Hello?? where you *AT* the movie??!!

So I guess it was.

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