3 December 2000

I like soft jubes.

4 December 2000

I didn't love last week. It takes me a while to notice I am under too much pressure. Sure signs are the rest of my life falls apart.. or at the very least.. begins to frey. My flat was a tip: dishes unwashed, clothes all over the phone, towels unracked, coffee cups everywhere, mail unanswered, bills unpaid - arg.. i hate when that happens. Work's freying too, although that is less my fault and mistakes from the past coming home to roost.

Speaking of Roosting.. I saw Chicken Run today. It was wonderful. Wonderful characters, great pace, goofy slapstick. Attention to detail complete to the last rivot and nail. True craftsmen made that movie. Bravo. It's been a weekend of movies, Rachelle and I finally got to see Titan AE together. *phew* and it was as impressive animationally (new word) as it was the first time. Just complete eye candy. Afterwards we followed Farah and Justin Long-Hair-Now-Short-Hair's advice and visited the Unitec Visual Communication Degree's Graduating Class Exhibition. It was just wonderful. The Content, the Display, the Talent, the Business Cards!

My mind is all over the place and no where at the same time. I am loving my iBook. Loving it to dirty death. using it and using it. I love being able to take it with me, download mail at work onto my own computer and _know_ no one else is looking through it (there has been instances where mail is downloaded on my computer over the weekend and I didn't do it - grrr) It's especially good when, at the power station, and files are taking a while to upload, I can still do stuff - both work and private stuff - it's just so cool. When I finally do my homework/assignment its gonna be good too.

Speaking of the Power Station, while I was there on Friday, Dean showed us his digital camera he is trying out. It's a beauty. Sony camera, besides taking very good quality digital images it can make 6 second mpegs too. So cool. Pricey at $2500. Wonderful for them though, much easier than taking stills with the video camera, and then capturing then putting them onto a disc after enhancing them. They really have been sold far too much equipment for their needs. *shaking my head* God help 'someone' the day they find out they didn't need it all.

5 December 2000

I got home today - tired - dog bone dead tired. Frustrations at work coupled with lack of sleep just wore me out. I lay on the couch and inhaled dinner, feet up, Shortland Street on, just _knackered_. The phone rang - Sonia - wants to go bowling. How perfect. We bowled at 8pm.. two frames.. I won [victory dance] and I hardly fell over at all. Then off to the Air Hockey table..then to the shot-em-out games.. then to pool.. then home for a natter. What a perfect end to a frustrating day/lastweek. I feel _so_ much better now.

Cornflakes are best when soggy.

...later...'bout lunchtime...

It's my mother's birthday on Saturday and I don't know what to get her. She seems to have everything. I will end up sending her flowers, I suppose, but then I always send her flowers and I'm not sure if she really thinks flowers are a very good idea. I mean, sure, if a guy you like sends you flowers at work you just can NOT get better than that, but your daughter? to your home? without an audience. Hmm. I need to think about this.

I managed to lose a contact lens up under my eyelid last night. I don't mind sharing the discomfort with you incase you ever think that's a good place to store your lenses. I am using disposable lenses for a change. They work out about the same as permanent lenses price wise.

On a scale of one to ten of the 'wanting to work' scale, with 1 being "not really" and 10 being "yes please", I am somewhere in the region of Alaska.

...much later...'bout bedtime...

I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I wonder if this is 'lonely' but then, I don't get lonely. I think it's more like 'missing you' than lonely. I wish I was smaller so I could curl up and become unnoticable when I feel like this. I sit in the middle though, always in the middle to see and be seen. I'm listening to The Bends, still, I think, my favourite Radiohead CD. Do you remember the video that accompanied Street Spirit? Was that the most amazingly moving surreal video ever made? I was fascinated by it. In fact, in my not-so-humble opinion, the videos that played to that CD were all stunningly good. OKomputer was good too but The Bends just.. had the perzact right ingredients.

I don't talk about music much. Mostly because I just come off sounding like a dumbarse cos I just plain don't know much about music [i dont know much about Art, but i do like a gilt frame that doesn't gather much dust] and also because, with age, music loses that intense importance it has when you are younger.

Today, Doctor John sent me a gel image. I'd never seen one before. Apparently, the white dashes show where and how intense the virus is.. or.. the virus shows up as white dashes.. like we see on TV when police/forensictypes are testing DNA. I printed it out and bluetacked it to my wall. I don't know why I wanted it, but I did and I'm glad I have it and I like the look of it. It was nice to be able to ask for the image and John just said 'yes' no.. strings no.. complications.. no.. just.. "yes, here we are michelle".

From Canada to New Zealand, images of a virus.

limb by limb and
tooth by tooth
tearing up inside of me
everyday
everyhour
wish that I
was bulletproof

wax me
mould me
heat the pins
and stab them in
you have turned me into this
just wish that I
was bulletproof

so pay me money
take a shot
lead-fill
the hole in me
i could burst a million bubbles
all surrogate
and bulletproof

bulletproof by radiohead

11 December 2000

I had the worst night last night - getting up four times, damn period. You males don't even KNOW you're alive! Today I am completely worn out. I feel like a wrung-out dish rag. Rachelle's attempted to ask a couple of simple questions and I have had ZERO comprehension. Just staring at her blankly as she dumbs down and dumbs down to accommodate my vagueness. I have absolutely no tolerance for my boss today either. He has only asked me one thing and I doubt he'll ask me another, not today anyway. And it's hot and muggy and I swear there isn't an oxygen molecule in the whole place. I am flushed. Hoping the can of Pepsi'll help.

The weekend was okay but I was grumpy on Saturday. Amy said at one stage "Don't get grumpy at me" and I had to assure her she wasn't doing anything wrong, just between the heat, my lack of sleep, and my impending menstrual flow, my nerves were insensitive. She made me go lie down and take a nap. I could have slept 'til 11pm. She woke me at 4:40pm so I could get up and get ready. We went to Cinderella, the Ballet. Had dinner at Planet Hollywood first and that was okay (enough). Cinderella was okay, though I felt the lead (Cinders) was weak, and I sensed the cast working hard to support her, literally in the case of the Prince who seemed to be struggling a couple of times to get the right grip on his tiny partner. The overwhelming feeling I had as they bowed and encore was of a High School Production.

But then, I am very critical. I've done sets, I know how hard it is. I've watched our concerts come together and fall apart at the seams, I do know how hard it is. But still, at that level, I shouldn't be able to notice the flaws - I am just a member of the audience.

Doesn't seem like any of us are writing much these days. Probably all busy and/or tired. December isn't a very good month for getting everything done. I need a holiday, do you? Looking forward to my flat for a week and no work, just getting much needed MishStuff done.

15 December 2000

My friend Justin rocks the house that rocks the party. Or in Mishspeak.. he's the beesknees.

I am officially divorced. The papers were in the post yesterday. I was asked if I felt sad. No, I don't feel sad, I was done with sad/mad/bad (cat in the hat) feelings long ago. But it does feel strange. It's not an easy thing to do, ending a marriage - emotionally or practically. The process takes time and thought and spine. I think Greg and I have handled the situation as well as we could have, and both of us are happy with our decisions and the outcomes. We continue to be amicable and communicate. In fact, we have a better relationship now than when we were married.

Last night, Rachelle and I went to the movies to see Unbreakable with Bruce Willis, Robin Wright Penn and Samual L Jackson. You'd think, with that cast, and the team from the Sixth Sense you're bound for success. I have been told it's not a comedy. I guess I shouldn't have snickered at Samual L's wardrobe (his hair was a tragedy too).. I guess laughing when the hero fell into the pool..or barked out laughing at the sight of our hero's son pointing a gun at him. But hell, its a movie that misses the mark time and again. I found it hilarious. Saying that, there was one point at the end of the movie that grabbed both Rachelle's and my attention and held it.. the sight of three G3 Macs and three flat screen monitors.. sad but true.

Before we went to the movies, we had a beer and chips at Sheepy's (big surprise there)[oh, and while I think about it - Dec 21st Surfing Safari at Sheepy's Papatoetoe, wear your Hawaiian shirts and come ride the mechanical waves, we'll be there] I arrived first and ordered my beer. Did I tell you about the little man who told me my laugh was awful? Well, he was there. He and his friends were standing at the bar. He spoke to me, being polite this time.

HIM: "Hello"
MOI: "Hello"
HIM: "What do you do for a living?"
MOI: "I made CDROM's"
HIM: [blank look]
MOI: "Online computer based learning"
HIM: [head tilt, blank look]
MOI: "Web pages and shit"
HIM: "OHH.. computers?"
HIS FRIEND: "Come on, you asked her that question last time, remember? you were drunk. You tried to get her to come back to your place to fix your computer"
THEM: [snickering]
MOI: "yes, remember? I did come home with you. We had sex. It was the most disappointing two minutes of my entire life."
THEM: [riotous laughter]
HIM: [straight faced not laughing]

I continue to attract the finest calibre of male attention. *sag*

17 December 2000

It's after 3pm on a Sunday and I still haven't done a thing. I have been drifting and dreaming and thinking and chatting and tossing and turning. My flat needs urgent attention. I need to go to work. I need a shower. I want to curl up and sleep. My hair is froofy. I gave myself a startle when I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. I was telling Barb that I am a reason for NOT having a webcam. boy on the other hand, makes the view from my office all the better.

..abit later..

I'm being very lazy. I've opened the curtains and put the dishes in the soapy water. There is a load of laundry in the washing machine. But it's 4pm and I could have done a days work by now. I am dressed, and have showered. But I am not lying on my pile of laundry anymore only because I've pushed it onto the floor. *leans right to see what just blew over* was that my tree?

From the New Year, Geocities will no longer be my personal hosting option. I have a new free hoster who says I don't have to have any advertising on my site and although, I am sure they will change their minds in the future, I will be using them because they are also hosting a domain name for free too. Stay tuned for update information (yes, all four of you).

18 December 2000

Bright spark up early working hard. The carrot at the end of my stick (holdiays) speeding me on with a passion not seen since.. well.. not seen. It's nice and cool in the office now the Air Conditioning has been sorted. Phil was in this morning, quick fired sounds off for the updates. I have lots of work to do - due in part to my marathon chatting session yesterday. My neighbour popped her head in because she was worried I hadn't moved from my bed all day. I am very happy I leaned and yelled to her. I got to see Raq and Sander, Barb and Actual, Andy and Magdy, Lou was there too. Freya for a brief moment. Sparkly conversation and bark out giggling. It was wonderful. I spose that's gonna have to keep me going as everyone goes off on their Holiday breaks. It generally works out to be around a month of chatless nights. Which, okay, wouldn't do ME any harm, but I miss people. some people.

23 December 2000

I'M ON HOLIDAY *leettle bit excited*

24 December 2000

It's the night before Christmas.. actually.. it _is_ christmas.. its 12:11am Christmas morning. There is a chicken roasting in the oven. The turkey is done. Seems I found out where my 'doing everything at the last minute' comes from huh?

It was really really fogging nearly all the way down (I'm in New Plymouth, btw.. 'bout 4 hours South of Auckland). It was nice though, sang along to my cd's weaved in and out of traffic, or what there was of it. Only saw one major (ish) accident. A cop flashed his lights at me cos i was speeding so i slowed down and arrived safely. I can't really say how it is to be here. except. I get to go on Boxing Day so .. well.. there you go.

Seems my ISP's Nationwide Number is less Nation as it is wide and I can't connect the iBook. Best laid plans of mice and men and all that, but I don't spose it'll do me any harm to be out of reach for a few days.