Friday, August 24, 2001

It's been a long quiet time here at thejamjar. Blame it on the weather, everyone in hibernation. Blame it on the quiet IT industry and how hard it has made me work to find work since coming back from Europe. I was smug thinking I'd have no trouble picking up work on my return; the universe soon brought me down a peg or three.

Now, after a flurry of a week and four job offers later, I have a verbal agreement with the firm I had my heart set on. I lie in bed late at night before sleep and as I wake in the morning with a vague nagging hope I did the right thing, turning down solid well paying employment for a promise over the phone. I won't rest easy until I have some signed commitment in my hand while at the same time this is the path I am sure of, for my sanity and job future. I kind of understand what Dolly Parton used to say, when others complained on film sets about the heat, or the cold, or the hours, or whatever else was upsetting them and noticing Ms Parton never complained and on wondering why; she would explain she can remember where she came from, the hardship of her life before she went into show business. It was the only thing she ever wanted to do and now she was doing it she didn't complain, she thanked God.

I know.. overly dramatic but I really feel like I 'survived' last year at Aztech Productions. It was such a trial, every single day. I hope I remember to not take a good working environment for granted anymore. Even having to spend 4 months looking for work at such a depressed IT industry, I have no regrets leaving that company (and I use that term loosely).

On a completely different note, I was looking through a bunch of old photographs and came across a few of me. There aren't many around, I'm usually the one behind the camera. It's strange seeing myself and remembering some of the things that were going on at the time. For instance:

- This was Mike and Greg forcing me to have my picture taken. There is another with me snarling at the camera on the way to brush my teeth. I hated having my picture taken because I was _so_ fat. Crazy, huh? - although I don't remember the exact occasion, it would have been some work Christmas party or function. I look like an airline hostess and, well, Lord only knows what John looks like. God he used to make me laugh. I was in love with him for the longest time. Years and years. Poor bugger. *laughs*.

- this has been cropped from a photograph, obviously taken by my Nana because the photograph is 90%sky and I [approx. 10 yearsold] was down the bottom of the image. My grandparents had a bach (pronouced 'batch' - kiwi holiday home by the beach) in Little Waihi. It felt as if we went there every weekend, but obviously we didn't. It wasn't a long drive but either my brother or myself would inveriably vomit on the way there or on the way home again. It was only an hours drive but we are such delicate creatures. I would have been standing just out the front gate because the water would come right up to the stone wall of the bach. The water never got more than about 6 inches deep and when the tide was low, it was muddy and pocked with millions of crab homes. I remember the summers we spent here as one big blurry holiday. Lying in the sun on the beach all day long, no such thing as sunblock in those days. My hair bleeched seasalt white, my skin brown as a berry.

I don't think I ever thought about the future, or how my life might go. I think I vaguely thought I'd quite like to be Barbie, but that was the extent of my future planning. And now here I am, remembering that skinny kid in the salty water always on the edge of fear in case a crap pinched my bare toes who's biggest challenge was trying to think up a new plan to get a Grandparent to buy a choc-bomb from the local dairy.